Leonard: This... is exciting. This is really exciting. I have to go find Sheldon.
Penny: Okay, well, if you find him, use the kitchen island- that coffee table will not support both of you.

Penny: Yeah, I listen to what you say. You're building a particle detector using superfluid helium.
Leonard: You know, when you talk like that, I want to take you right here on this table.
Penny: And you know from past experience this table cannot support both our weight.

Do you realize I don't live with the woman I love because of you?

Sheldon: There were plenty of ways to pass the time before smartphones were invented.
Leonard: That's true.
Sheldon: I'll look them up... Oh, son of a biscuit!

Leonard: Hang on. Why do we have to hate it?
Penny: Three words. Dr. Who Convention.

Howard: Why do you keep assuming it was me?
Leonard: Because you do this kind of thing all the time, and then you try to cover it up.
Howard: Like when?
Leonard: What about when you flipped the Mars Rover, or lost Koothrappali's dog, or almost drove off with that baby?
Howard: Again, it looked like my car, and the baby didn't even cry until his mother punched me with her keys.

Howard: Well, what if we turn off all the lights except for one, and it'll come to it.
Leonard: It's not a moth!
Howard: Don't yell at me. You're not gonna get any good ideas out of me if you're yelling.
Leonard: Okay, so if I remain calm, I'll get more gems like, "Turn off the lights"?!
Howard: Great, we're turning on each other. That's just what the bird wants us to do!

Howard: How the hell did a pigeon get in here?
Leonard: You shut the loading doors, right?
Howard: I thought you did.
Leonard: Do you know what a disaster this is?!
Howard: You mean 'cause this room isn't supposed to have dust in it, and we just let in a flying crap machine

Leonard: Because you don't know how to do cryptanalysis, do you?
Howard: I'm not even sure if it's the right word.

Leonard: What if... what if this is the thing that would've finally let him open that bottle of champagne?
Raj: Maybe he didn't know what to pair champagne with. Strawberries, caviar, oysters. All good choices. Yeah, that look right there is why people eat before they come to your parties.

Leonard: Okay, first of all, the surgery was a success, and secondly, I didn't even want you there.
Sheldon: Wow. I don't know which hurts worse-- my nose or my heart.

Leonard: If there was an asteroid strike,wouldn't you die, too?
Sheldon: I don't know-- I'm smart and scrappy, I think I'd find a way.

TBBT Quotes

Penny: Here's a question-- as an alien pretending to be human, are you planning to engage in any post-prom mating rituals with Amy?
Sheldon: There are post-prom mating rituals?
Penny: Not always. Unless your date drives a van with an air mattress, then always.
Sheldon: Well, if it's part of the prom experience, then I'm open to it.
Penny: You're kidding.
Sheldon: I may be an alien, but I have urges.If Amy wants to copulate by firing her eggs into space, well, then, I will happily catch them with the reproductive sac on my upper flermin. I'm not the best at reading facial cues, but I can see that you're a little turned on.

Penny, there's only one cookie with something in the middle that solves life's problems, and that's an Oreo. Or a Nutter Butter, if you're in a pinch.

Sheldon