The Big Bang Theory

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The big bang theory
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Leonard: So a few things don't go your way and your best decision is to ride the rails like a hobo?
Sheldon: I suppose it is. Except I have a credit card. And I refuse to carry my laptop at the end of a stick. And I'd sooner die than eat beans out of a can.

Leonard: I know his password, so I can track his phone.
Penny: You do that?
Leonard: Not always, but ever since he wandered off at the swap meet chasing a balloon, I get worried.
Penny: He can take care of himself. Look, we went over stranger danger and gave him that whistle.

Sheldon: Move across the hall?! Did you take a marijuana?!
Leonard: No, I did not.
Sheldon: Did you get hit on the head with a coconut?
Leonard: No.
Sheldon: Well, then, I'm all out of guesses.

Sheldon: She's spent many nights here, and you're worried about preserving the myth of her virginity before the wedding.
Leonard: I'm not.
Sheldon: Good, because not only has that ship sailed, if it hit an iceberg, countless men would perish.

Leonard's Mom: Leonard, would it make you feel better to hear that your mother approved of your life choices?
Leonard: Yes, it would.
Leonard's Mom: Yeah. Well, you should work on that.

Leonard: Penny and I have some big news.
Penny: We're engaged!
Raj: And I thought me having sex with Emily was gonna be the big news.

Penny: Where did you get a ring?
Leonard: I've... had it for a couple years, not important. Penny... will you marry me?
Penny: Oh, my God, yes.
Leonard: This would have been so much more romantic if you didn't have monkey hair on your finger.

Leonard: So, is that it? Are we engaged?
Penny: Yeah, I think so.
Leonard: All right.

Penny: Okay, it may look that way, but getting fired from that movie was the best thing that could have happened to me, okay? I finally realize I don't need to be famous or have some big career to be happy.
Leonard: Then what do you need?
Penny: You, you stupid Pop-Tart!

Penny: We could get married.
Leonard: Come on, be serious.
Penny: I am.
Leonard: Why? Because I'm a-a "smart decision"?
Penny: Well, yeah.
Leonard: So I'm like a bran muffin.

Penny: There's no reason why I shouldn't be the best bisexual go-go dancer slowly transforming into a killer gorilla
anyone's ever seen.
Leonard: I don't know. The bisexual gorilla go-go dancer in Schindler's List is tough to beat.
Sheldon: Ah, very good. Because a gorilla go-go dancer
of any sexual preference would be out of place in a film about the Holocaust.
Leonard: It only gets funnier when you explain it, Sheldon.
Sheldon: I know.

When I die, you can rent a bounce house.

Displaying quotes 25 - 36 of 448 in total

TBBT Quotes

Penny: Here's a question-- as an alien pretending to be human, are you planning to engage in any post-prom mating rituals with Amy?
Sheldon: There are post-prom mating rituals?
Penny: Not always. Unless your date drives a van with an air mattress, then always.
Sheldon: Well, if it's part of the prom experience, then I'm open to it.
Penny: You're kidding.
Sheldon: I may be an alien, but I have urges.If Amy wants to copulate by firing her eggs into space, well, then, I will happily catch them with the reproductive sac on my upper flermin. I'm not the best at reading facial cues, but I can see that you're a little turned on.

Penny, there's only one cookie with something in the middle that solves life's problems, and that's an Oreo. Or a Nutter Butter, if you're in a pinch.

Sheldon