Sheldon: Move across the hall?! Did you take a marijuana?!
Leonard: No, I did not.
Sheldon: Did you get hit on the head with a coconut?
Leonard: No.
Sheldon: Well, then, I'm all out of guesses.

Honey, you only had three lines. That wasn't gonna happen anyway.

Look, you know, words don't always have to mean things.

Leonard: Can we talk?
Penny: We can, but the part of "Penny" might get cut.

Penny: Let's get married?
Leonard: What?
Penny: Leonard Hofstadter, will you marry me?
Leonard: Um....
Penny: Did you seriously just say "Umm..."?

Leonard: Listen. I could never do what you're doing. I'd be terrified.
Penny: Well it's scary for me too.
Sheldon: I'm fine with it.
Leonard: My point is: just because I couldn't do it doesn't mean you shouldn't. And I'm proud of you.
Penny: Okay. Thank you.

Leonard: Can we please have some privacy?
Sheldon: No. I'm as much a part of this relationship as you two. And I think it's high time we put all our cards on the table. For example, where is this going? Are you two ever getting married? And if so, where will we all live? Have you thought about that?

Leonard: Look, if you want to break up, just say it.
Penny: Leonard....
Leonard: No, no, no, I take it back, don't say it. Just hate me but stay with me. It worked for my parents.
Penny: Listen. I don't want to break up with you.

He has a very sensitive butt. Well, it's true. I once saw him sit on a bunch of loose change and add it all up.

Penny: Translation?
Leonard: Waah. I don't want a table!

Sheldon: No, I've changed. Like the frog who's put in a pot of water that's heated so gradually he doesn't realize he's boiling to death.
Penny: Or you're the frog who's been kissed by a princess and turned into a prince.
Leonard: Or, you're just a tall, annoying frog.

Sheldon: I have spent years turning this lump of clay into an acceptable conduit for my will, and then you came along and reshaped him, with your newfangled ideas and your fancy genitals.
Penny: Are you gonna let him talk to me like this?
Leonard: "Fancy" sounds like a compliment.

TBBT Quotes

Oh, Bernadette, please play my clarinet.

Raj's poem

Sheldon: I'll have a diet Coke.
Penny: Can you please order a cocktail? I need to practice mixing drinks.
Sheldon: Fine... I'll have a virgin Cuba Libre.
Penny: That's... rum and Coke without the rum.
Sheldon: Yes, and would you make it diet?