Michael: Lindsay, I can tell that it's real. It's like that feeling that you read about twins having.
Lindsay: We're twins. You didn't give me access to the banking.
Michael: No, you'd just ... you'd go out, and you'd just whore it up Lindsay, you know? Now, she's different. She's a little bit more like me. It's like we finish each other's --
Lindsay: Sandwiches.
Michael: ... Sentences. Why would I say --
Lindsay: Sandwiches.
Michael: (nods) That time, I was going to say sandwiches.

Lindsay: Well, why don't you just go to Dad and ask him who Nellie is, point-blank?
Michael: So, he can just cover it up and lie? I can't stand to hear one more lie out of this family.
Tobias: Oh, there's the woman I'm sexually attracted to.
Michael: Ok, but that's the last one.

Lindsay: Oh, you know what? I've already prepared a list of "won'ts."
Tobias: Oh, you're not going to believe this. My list is of "can'ts."
Michael: Marital love can be so romantic.

Michael: That might be an older sister that we've never met.
Lindsay: Wow! Look at the beak on that bird.

Lindsay: Well, you know, maybe I would be more attracted to you if you were in better shape. You know, if you were just more muscular and masculine. Does that make me shallow?
Tobias: No. I was going to say the same thing to you.

All they're doing in there is trying to keep people alive. It's a life mill!

Lindsay: Yeah, check it out. I found that canned ham that we'd had forever, and I put it in a pot of boiling water, and guess what I'm calling it?
Michael: Soup?
Lindsay: Hot ham water.

Michael: My son expresses himself just fine. Isn't that right, son?
George Michael: What? Yeah ... fine. Uh, yes, I don't care. What's up?
Tobias: Yes, he's a regular Freddie Wilson, that one.
Michael: I don't know that reference.
Lindsay: I don't either.
Tobias: I don't know either.
Narrator: It's this guy. (an image of men dressed like the Village People is shown, with the "biker" highlighted)

Lindsay: They teach self-expression and getting in touch with feelings, Michael. I mean, I know you don't have any.
Gob: The boy who couldn't cry.
Buster: He's a robot! (Buster's prosthetic hand falls off)
Lindsay: Michael can cry. He just doesn't want to rust.
Tobias: Yes, he's like the steel man from The Wizard From Oz.

Lindsay: Did you get a lawyer?
Tobias: Only the best-looking and best educated lawyer in the whole O.C.
Bob: Don't call it that.

Lindsay: Did it ever occur to you that maybe Warden Gentiles likes her?
Michael: Likes her what?
Lindsay: No, I mean, likes her. Like, is attracted to her.
Michael: Who's the "her" in that sentence?
Lindsay: Mom. Warden Gentiles likes Mom.
Michael: Her?

Michael: The whole thing is a scam. Mom was just using that warden to try to get Dad out. She's not trying to seduce him at all.
Lindsay: Oh, no, she is. She's spending the night with him. She just called to ask me to bring her a tube of vag ... table paste.

Arrested Development Quotes

She sometimes takes a little pack of mayonnaise and she'll squirt it in her mouth all over. And then she'll take an egg and kind of...mmmm! She calls it a 'mayon-egg.' Are you okay?

George Michael

Oh, mercy me! I forgot that we were in the colonies.

Mrs. Featherbottom