Favorite Lucille Quotes
Lucille: You tricked me.
Michael: I deceived you, Mom. Trick makes it sound like we have a playful relationship.
Michael: (to Gob) Get rid of the Seaward.
Lucille: I'll leave when I'm good and ready.
Michael: Gob, pal, how about you? Can you find some work?
Gob: Oh, sure, Michael. As what, a waiter? Can I get you something, madam?
Lucille: I will have a vodka, though.
(Lucille and Gob laugh)
Gob: What? Oh.
Michael: You know, if you'd ever accidentally worked a day in your life, you'd know that there's no indignity in it.
Gob: Great. She'll have a vodka.
Lucille: Oh, it's probably all in a storage unit somewhere.
Michael: Where's the storage unit?
Lucille: I don't remember.
Michael: Try.
Lucille: Something-dale. I don't know -- Brookfeather, Raintree. It's hot. It was very hot there. I've never been ... get a warrant.
Michael: Don't think I won't.
Lucille: I'd have to get up pretty early in the morning to get drunk by 1 o' clock.
Narrator: As it turns out, she had gotten up early and had taken pain medication because of a hangover-related headache. However, she mistook the drowsy-eye/alcohol warning for a winking-eye alcohol suggestion.
I want to cry so badly, but I don't think I can spare the moisture.
If I still had money, I'd buy a Klimpy's just to burn it to the ground.
(Buster is jumping and falling all over the place trying to catch a bird that flew into the house)
Lucille: Buster!
Buster: It's a bird!
Lucille: I know it's a bird. I'm on the phone!
Buster: It walked on my pillow!
Lucille: Give me a vodka rocks.
Michael: Mom, it's breakfast.
Lucille: And a piece of toast.
Luz, that coat cost more than your house. (Lucille looks at Michael)
That's how we joke. She doesn't even have a house.
Everyone's laughing, and riding, and cornholing except Buster.
</i> Lucille
Michael: So, it's embezzlement, bribery and conspiracy.
Lucille: And a whole lot of love.
Michael: Oh, right: and perjury.
