Favorite Mary Alice Young Quotes
Bree: Hello?
Gabrielle: Hi, there.
Mary Alice: I'm Mary Alice. This is Susan, uh, Lynette and Bree.
Susan: Welcome to the neighborhood.
Gabrielle: Well, I am Gabrielle Solis.
Lynette: Would it be better if we came back at another time?
Gabrielle: Oh! No, no. I was... just changing out of my sweaty clothes. I didn't realize moving was such great cardio.
Carlos: Hey, babe, we haven't tried it in the kitchen yet.
Gabrielle: Honey, uh, I think it's time to unpack the pants.
Carlos: Right. It's nice to meet you ladies.
Mary Alice: Let me guess newlyweds?
Gabrielle: Four months, and I've dressed like this for two of them. He's insatiable.
It's a fact of life in every neighborhood. People move in and people move out. Although very few of them pack up and leave at two o'clock in the morning. But it wasn't the first time that Betty Applewhite had tried to leave in the middle of the night. It had happened once before in Chicago. The same night one of her sons tried to break up with his girlfriend. A young woman named Melanie Foster. Yes, a year had come and gone since the Applewhite's had left Chicago. And Betty thought they could again slip away in the middle of the night. But as she soon discovered, it's not that easy to slip away in the suburbs. Because in suburbia, once the neighbors hear you are going, they all insist on showing up to say goodbye.
(Susan, Lynette and Gabrielle are discussing if Bree is making the worst mistake of her life by marrying Orson. Bree enters the room...)
Bree: And what mistake would that be?
Mary-Alice: Yes, a bridesmaid can question many of the brides choices...
Susan: These dresses are hideous.
Mary Alice: ... but the groom is not one of them.
Orson Hodge dreamed of the perfect honeymoon. Indeed, he'd begun planning it the moment Bree Van De Kamp agreed to marry him. They'd start by flying first class, to an exclusive 5-star hotel, where they'd spend their days by the pool, and their nights making love. And when they returned home, their perfect honeymoon would continue... forever.
We all met Lynette Scavo the day she moved onto Wisteria Lane. We quickly decided she would be our friend, mostly because we were afraid to have her as an enemy.
Mary Alice: (opening voiceover) The day Mike Delfino woke from his coma, Edie Britt was the first to know. Once she was sure he was responsive, Edie decided to share the good news with others... (shot of Edie running wildly through the hospital, telling a nurse) and that is how word began to spread (shot of the nurse running to the doctor):
Mike's position doctor Craig was busy with a patient when he first heard the news. Not long after, he called his aunt Ida, who was busy knitting a sweater. (shot of Ida) She told Lynette Scavo, who was busy watering her lawn. (shot of Lynette) And she told her husband Tom, who was busy playing a computer game. (shot of Tom) He then emailed his friend Carlos, who was busy plotting strategy with his divorce lawyer. (shot of Carlos calling Gabrielle) And Carlos called his soon-to-be ex-wife Gabrielle, who was busy doing the same with hers. (shot of Bree picking up the phone and telling Danielle) Yes, word of Mike's miraculous recovery spreak quickly throughout Wisteria Lane, (shot of Julie answering the phone and dialing Susan's number) and stopped cold everyone's busy, busy life. (shot of Susan in bath with Ian) Everyone that is, except for Susan Mayer, who was busy doing something, she would soon wish she hadn't.
Susan Mayer had always believed the one thing about hard times is that you get to find out who your friends really are. When her grandmother died, it was Bree who brought homemade cookies. When the critics panned her third book, it was Gabrielle who hired the handsome masseur. When her divorce became final it was Lynette who poured the scotch. Sadly, Susan's life had been shattered once again. But as always, her friends had come to help pick up the pieces. Yes, hard times were what Susan used to distinguish who was a friend and who wasn't.
The art of sabotage...it's practiced every day in the suburbs. (shot of a woman preparing a cake) Sometimes it takes the form of a bundt cake offered to a friend who's on a diet. (shot of a woman cutting the cable and greeting her husband's friends) Other times, it's a cable cut just as a husband's friends arrive to watch the big game. (shot of Mrs McCluskey calling the city zoning department) And then there's always that anonymous phone call to the city zoning department. (Bree goes to the motel where her daughter and Mr Faladi are staying) Yes, in suburbia, everyone you meet is a potential saboteur...absolutely everyone...Yes, the art of sabotage...it's practiced every day in the suburbs...But few do it as well as Bree Hodge...or as politely.
Mary Alice: (opening voiceover) It is often said that confession is good for the soul. No one knew this better than a certain blonde who had been confessing her sins to Father O'Malley once a week since she was a child. As the years had passed, much to Father O'Malley's dismay, a theme began to emerge...
(Flashback: Edie is in the confessional.)
Edie: I seduced the cable guy again.
(Flashback: Edie is in the confessional.)
Edie: I'm having an affair with a folk singing duo.
(Flashback: Edie is in the confesional.)
Edie: Last week I let Rabbi Lipman get to third base.
Mary Alice: And once she had been forgiven, Father O'Malley would tell Edie Britt to go out into the world and sin no more. Unfortunately for Edie, temptation seemed to be...
(Present: Edie walks into Mike's hospital room.)
Edie: Hello there.
Mary Alice: ...everywhere.
There is a place in St. Timothy's church
where sinners go to confess their sins. And once they're done,they expect absolution. But the truth is, not all confessions are worthy of such forgiveness. Most who unveil hidden agendas deserve the condemnation they receive. Most who disclose vengeful motives merit the punishment that follows. Only the truly repentant have any right
at all to expect a second chance... Which is why it's best to think twice before you confess... Especially if you don't know what it is you're confessing to.
It was supposed to be an ordinary day for Carolyn Bigsby. She had planned to bake her husband a strudel, give her dog a bath, and water her African violets. Yes, Carolyn had planned to do all sorts of things she thought mattered. But earlier that day, a woman who wasn't her friend told Carolyn something she wasn't supposed to hear. From that moment on, Carolyn felt nothing really mattered anymore.
