Lucille: You tricked me.
Michael: I deceived you, Mom. Trick makes it sound like we have a playful relationship.

Michael: Let's make Ann the back up. Ok? Very good way to think of her as a back up.
George Michael: She's gonna be so excited.
Michael: Good.
George Michael: Maybe ... Maybe now I'll get a kiss.
Michael: Ok. (kisses George Michael)
George Michael: Oh ... I meant from Ann.
Michael: Yes, I know. I just want to get in there first.

Tobias: Oh, come on. Don't leave your Uncle T-Bag hanging!
George Michael: Please don't call yourself that.

(After Indian candidate's video)
Gob: (hiding in crowd) Go home, you terrorist!
Michael: How stupid do you have to be to say something like that ...?
Gob: (revealed) You're not wanted here!

Michael: You haven't met my family. You should meet my family. We're going to be having an anniversary party.
Pastor Veal: What a wonderful surprise! We would love to witness a celebration of their love.
Michael: That would be a wonderful surprise.

Mrs. Featherbottom: Ok, who'd like a banger in the mouth? Oh...right, I forgot; here in the states you call it 'a sausage' in the mouth.
Michael: We just call it a sausage.

Michael: I think it's getting too risky keeping you up here.
George, Sr.: You know what's risky? Letting your son go on that church thing.
Michael: Her name is Ann, Dad, and he's not "going" on her, ok? They're just friends.
George, Sr.: Not for long. They're making promises to each other. It's all that fidelity and pledging yourself to a woman garbage. I wine 'em and dine 'em, but I don't let them tell me what to do. (speaking to his dolls, arranged for a tea party) I don't let them tell me what to do.
Michael: Ok, I should've never taken the pumps out of here.

Lucille: Give me a vodka rocks.
Michael: Mom, it's breakfast.
Lucille: And a piece of toast.

Tobias: Do you have any idea how often you say the word 'afraid'?
Michael: Well, I know I used it in the jacuzzi.
Tobias: And I apologize for that; I thought it was a pool toy.

Michael: Hey, why don't you pop a tent in front with your cousin Maeby?
George Michael: What? No!
Maeby: I'm not really the outdoorsy type.
Michael: Well, this is a good chance for you to rub off on her.

Tobias: As you may or may not know, Lindsay and I have hit a bit of a rough patch.
Michael: Really? When did that start?
Tobias: Well, I don't want to blame it all on 9/11, but it certainly didn't help.

Lucille: Oh, it's probably all in a storage unit somewhere.
Michael: Where's the storage unit?
Lucille: I don't remember.
Michael: Try.
Lucille: Something-dale. I don't know -- Brookfeather, Raintree. It's hot. It was very hot there. I've never been ... get a warrant.
Michael: Don't think I won't.