Michael Bluth Quotes
Lindsay: She's always trying to get me to admit that my marriage isn't working.
Michael: So, how's it going with you and Tobias?
Lindsay: It's not working.
Lindsay: He's a never-nude.
Michael: Is that exactly what it sounds like?
Michael: I love Marta.
Lindsay: Mom's housekeeper?
Michael: Gob's girlfriend.
Wayne Jarvis: Well, I'm a professional. I am serious, and I'm a professional.
Michael: That's fantastic. So, how long have you been ...?
Wayne Jarvis: I also don't like small talk.
Michael: No?
Wayne Jarvis: I find that unprofessional.
Michael: Mm-hmm.
Wayne Jarvis: Why should I be billing you for small talk when I'm enjoying it as much as you are?
Michael: Then, this must be a freebie 'cause I'm having a ball.
Wayne Jarvis: (chuckles) When you're ready to get serious, give me a call.
Michael: Oh, um ... there's a big bowl of candy in my office. Why don't you go eat it?
Wayne Jarvis: Wayne Jarvis, attorney at law. I have a responsibility to tell you that there is no candy in this office.
Lindsay: My thing with Tobias was a secret, like you stealing your brother's girlfriend, you little weasel. I mean, I open up to you, you run off and tell Mommy.
Michael: Excuse me. Excuse me! Outside, please. Thank you. Pardon us. Like it wasn't just a bunch of lies to get me to pay that debt, huh? Isn't that why you got me drunk in the first place?
Michael: Excuse me, Wayne, my sister and I were outside having a business discussion, and we were wondering if there's some sort of legal way that we can humiliate our mother? Something shaming, something public.
Wayne Jarvis: I've used one adjective to describe myself. What is it?
Michael: Professional.
Wayne Jarvis: I shall duck behind that little garbage car.
Michael: Guy's a pro.
Michael: Dad, you're not going to outrun me in that dress!
George, Sr.: Come on. Michael, let go!
Michael: Dad!
George, Sr.: For God's sake, I'm not even wearing a jock.
Wayne Jarvis: I shall duck behind the couch.
Michael: What a pro.
Lindsay: How'd it go?
Michael: Well, the bad news is you're in debt again, and we never busted Mom, and we're stuck with Barry.
Lindsay: Mm.
Michael: The good news is we've been asked never to participate in the pageant again.
George Michael: My bike needs a tune-up or something.
Michael: Let's not blame the bike. Okay? It's a poor carpenter that blames his shoddy tools ...
