Michel Gerard Quotes
Lorelai: Make sure that carpet is replaced perfectly before they go.
Michel: Okay.
Lorelai: And I mean perfectly, nailed down and everything.
Michel: Oh, you mean that "perfectly." Oh, I thought you meant the other "perfectly," you know, the one that could be misinterpreted by the other Michel. You know, the one that couldn't understand what you meant by "perfectly."
Lorelai: You don't care at all, do you?
Michel: To me you are the teacher in the Charlie Brown cartoon.
Lorelai: Okay, forget it.
The battle for soup versus salad is raging in the other room. Come quick and settle it, please, as I'm running out of French curse words that they won't understand.
Michel: I will never go near those filthy birds.
Lorelai: Why?
Michel: I hate the swans.
Lorelai: These particular swans?
Michel: No, all swans. I was attacked by a band of swans in the Luxembourg Gardens when I was a boy. No one forgets that.
Lorelai: (laughing) Oh no -- not being attacked by a band of swans. Was it an all-boy band? Kind of a scary, feathery 'N Sync kind of fiasco?
Michel: This is not funny.
Lorelai: No, I'm sorry, it's not. It's not funny at all.
(the swans honk and Michel jumps)
Lorelai: (laughing again) Oh my God! Come on, you have to admit, that's a little funny.
Michel: Oh. Dear.
Lorelai: What?
(male twins have just walked in the front door)
Michel: Are those -- ?
Lorelai: No. It would be too --
(the twin brides rush into their grooms' arms)
Lorelai: -- weird.
Michel: You kept this from me on purpose.
Lorelai: It's like a really snooty Doublemint commercial.
Michel: Just let me know when the midgets and clowns arrive.
(Michel tries to leave)
Lorelai: Oh, no, no, no. You have to get them all settled in.
Michel: I'm not talking to them.
Lorelai: Yes you are.
Michel: Well I'm not talking to them nicely.
Sookie: Which one is which?
Lorelai: I don't know. I think the one on the right is Matt.
Michel: No, the one on the left is Matt. The one on the right is Mark.
Lorelai: That's very impressive.
Michel: Yes, well, I'm very good at observing people, you know, learning the tics and traits, sound of their voices. It's a gift.
Sookie: That one has a Post-It on its back.
Michel: Oh, well, then that's Mark. The one on the right is Matt.
Lorelai: You will go and take that off of him.
Michel: I will not. We can't all just call everyone 'sweetie' and get away with it.
Sookie: Now, go with me, here. Let's say Mark walks into a hotel room and he sees his wife naked, but it's not his wife, it's his naked sister-in-law, and he has sex with her. Would that be cheating?
Michel: My head hurts.
Lorelai: (laughing) I think no.
Sookie: Really? Lucky.
Michel: If you ask me this union belongs on a public access station. It's against the laws of nature and just this short of completely obscene.
Lorelai: Oh, you won't be giving the wedding toast.
Michel: (Holding a phone) It's for you. He says he's your father, although why he'd volunteer that freely, I don't know.
Lorelai: My father?
Michel: Yes.
Lorelai: Are you sure?
Michel: Please just take the phone.
Elderly Woman: Oh, excuse me, sir. Can you tell me where we can find the best antiques?
Michel: At your house, I'd guess.
Excuse me. There's a phone call for you, and if I am to fetch you like a dog, I'd like a cookie and a raise.
Michel: Once again, your faithful pooch is here to say: Please come back to the desk. Someone needs to talk with you.
Lorelai: It's not my mother, is it?
Michel: It's possible.
(Lorelai turns to see the man she met at Chilton standing at the front desk
Lorelai: It's possible?
Michel: There's a resemblance.
Lorelai: Michel, the phone.
Michel: Mm-hmm. It rings.
Lorelai: Can you answer it?
Michel: No. People are particularly stupid today. I can't talk to any more of them.
Lorelai: You know who's really nice to talk to? The people at the unemployment agency.
Michel: Independence Inn. Michel speaking.
Rory: I'll tell all the ladies what a stud you are.
Michel: I believe that memo has already been sent.
