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Mike-and-molly

Mike: Have you heard from Molly?
Joyce: I'm sure everything's fine. We left her with Victoria.
Mike: No disrespect Mrs. Flynn, but those two sentences don't go together.

The sound of my parents slapping their sweaty bodies together? It was like Satan clapping his hands.

Molly: Why don't you stay with your mom tomorrow night?
Mike: For the same reason I don't chew on tinfoil or try to kiss bears.

I look like a portly James Bond. Double - X Seven.

Molly: You're gonna kill him right? Please tell me you're gonna kill him.
Mike: If I say yes, it's premeditated.
Molly: Smart. I love you.

Mike: Wait, you mean she's acted like this before?
Joyce: Prom, senior picture day, and one god awful summer when she decided to master the accordion.

Molly: Slow and steady always wins the race. Don't I always say that?
Mike: She does, never in the right context, but it's a good saying anyway.

We Biggs don't tone and we don't tan - we burn and we stroke out.

Carl: Now if you want to get into your bride's head a little bit, just change "boobs" to "holy matrimony".
Mike: Wow, I had no idea it consumed their every though and dictated their every action.

Mike: Maybe if you had talked a little less and listened a little more we wouldn't be in this mess!
Molly: Really?
Mike: Listen, I don't want a big fight.
Molly: Well, it's too late for that.

Do you really want to raise a child in a house with your mom and sister? His first birthday will be at the Betty Ford Clinic!

Mike: I'm the kind of guy that likes to think things through.
Carl: Since when? I once saw you eat a marshmallow that was still on fire.

Displaying quotes 1 - 12 of 13 in total

Mike & Molly Quotes

Molly: We've got the house all to ourselves. Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
Mike: Order pizza and make prank phone calls?
Molly: Yeah, baby!

I always go to Lethal Weapon. I'm Danny Glover and you're Mel Gibson with a thyroid problem.

Carl [to Mike]
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