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Mike-and-molly

Mike: Have you heard from Molly?
Joyce: I'm sure everything's fine. We left her with Victoria.
Mike: No disrespect Mrs. Flynn, but those two sentences don't go together.

The sound of my parents slapping their sweaty bodies together? It was like Satan clapping his hands.

Molly: Why don't you stay with your mom tomorrow night?
Mike: For the same reason I don't chew on tinfoil or try to kiss bears.

I look like a portly James Bond. Double - X Seven.

Molly: You're gonna kill him right? Please tell me you're gonna kill him.
Mike: If I say yes, it's premeditated.
Molly: Smart. I love you.

Mike: Wait, you mean she's acted like this before?
Joyce: Prom, senior picture day, and one god awful summer when she decided to master the accordion.

Molly: Slow and steady always wins the race. Don't I always say that?
Mike: She does, never in the right context, but it's a good saying anyway.

We Biggs don't tone and we don't tan - we burn and we stroke out.

Carl: Now if you want to get into your bride's head a little bit, just change "boobs" to "holy matrimony".
Mike: Wow, I had no idea it consumed their every though and dictated their every action.

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