Mike & Molly

Mike & Molly Quotes

Season 2 Episode 23: "The Wedding"

Molly: If I get hit by lightning between here and the altar, which based on the day I've been having could very well happen, I want you to know that you're the love of my life.
 • Rating: Unrated

Mike: Have you heard from Molly?
Joyce: I'm sure everything's fine. We left her with Victoria.
Mike: No disrespect Mrs. Flynn, but those two sentences don't go together.
 • Rating: Unrated

Mike: The sound of my parents slapping their sweaty bodies together? It was like Satan clapping his hands.
 • Rating: Unrated

Molly: I wanted a few soft ringlets around my face, not a head full of curly fries!
 • Rating: Unrated

Peggy: Hate is a powerful aphrodisiac. People say never go to bed angry? They don't know what they're missing.
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 2 Episode 22: "The Rehearsal "

Molly: Why don't you stay with your mom tomorrow night?
Mike: For the same reason I don't chew on tinfoil or try to kiss bears.
 • Rating: Unrated

Carl: I told that woman I loved her, laid my heart out for her, and she chopped it up like we were at Benihanas!
 • Rating: Unrated

Molly: That reminds me, make sure Victoria wears a bra tomorrow.
Joyce: I'll try, but it's like trying to keep a hat on a dog.
 • Rating: Unrated

Mike: I look like a portly James Bond. Double - X Seven.
 • Rating: Unrated

Molly: You're gonna kill him right? Please tell me you're gonna kill him.
Mike: If I say yes, it's premeditated.
Molly: Smart. I love you.
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 2 Episode 21: "Bachelor / Bachelorette"

Jack Biggs [to Mike]: I'm just so proud of how you turned out. You've got people who love and respect you, and I know it's not because of me. It's in spite of me.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Peggy [pointing Molly out to male stripper]:There's the ringleader, and she's been a bad bad girl.
Joyce: I've been worse.
Victoria: I'm hiding drugs, and I don't have pockets.
 • Rating: Unrated

Molly: Tonight'll be good. Just sitting around, sipping cocktails, having some girl talk.
Victoria: Yeah. But just keep in mind it's not too late to go out tonight and do something fun!
 • Rating: Unrated

Carl: The places that offer free limousine services are desperate for customers. I'm guessing they're all nude and half-dude.
 • Rating: Unrated

Molly: Dirty board game?
Peggy: Dirty Scrabble. It's actually just regular Scrabble with extra F's, B's, and J's.
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 2 Episode 20: "The Dress"

Mike: Wait, you mean she's acted like this before?

Joyce: Prom, senior picture day, and one god awful summer when she decided to master the accordion.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Molly: Slow and steady always wins the race. Don't I always say that?

Mike: She does, never in the right context, but it's a good saying anyway.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Mike: We Biggs don't tone and we don't tan - we burn and we stroke out.
 • Rating: Unrated

Carl: Now if you want to get into your bride's head a little bit, just change "boobs" to "holy matrimony".

Mike: Wow, I had no idea it consumed their every though and dictated their every action.
 • Rating: Unrated

Molly [to candy bar]: Thought you had me didn't you, you fun sized little b**ch!
 • Rating: Unrated

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