I love you once. I love you twice. I love you more than beans and rice.

Mike: Should I offer to loan him a shirt?
Lee: Don't you dare!

If you field this one, I'll tell him where babies come from.

Mike: Why is there a big ass piano in our house?
Susan: Actually, Big Ass stopped making pianos. This is a Yamaha.

Mike: Did you just say Katherine is a leprechaun?
Susan: Lesbian. Katherine is a lesbian.
Mike: Okay. The first one made more sense.
Susan: Apparently, the other night, Katherine and Robin got a little drunk...
Mike: Hold it. Robin?
Susan: Yeah. She's a leprechaun, too.

I'm not Ian. I can't afford to move you into a mansion, or fly you off to Paris. But I'll be damned if I don't give you the same dream wedding he would've given you.

Susan: You name one thing that you think is going over the top.
Mike: The dove wrangler...
Susan: Well the doves aren't going to release themselves!

Susan: I'm thinking a chocolate fountain would be a cool centerpiece to a dessert buffet.
Mike: Dessert buffet? We're having a wedding cake, right? Isn't that a dessert?
Susan: Yeah, but you have to give people a choice. Don't you think a chocolate fountain would be elegant?
Mike: I don't know, you, a big, white dress, melted chocolate? Am I the only one hearing alarm bells?

Gabrielle: (to Susan) Oh, Susan, Julie told me about Ian I'm so sorry, you must be devastated.
(Mike is moving his stuff over to Susan's house)
Mike: Hey Gaby.
Gabrielle: (to Susan) I see you've picked up the pieces!

Mary Alice: (narrating) Yes, Susan knew Mike was about to pop the question. The one she thought he'd never ask...
Susan: Oh, Mike.
Mary Alice: And thanks to Susan..
Susan: Will you marry me?
Mary Alice: ...he never did... Luckily, it wasn't the question she needed to hear...
Mike: I kinda had a speech prepared, but, sure, what the heck.
Mary Alice: ...it was the answer.
(Mike puts the ring on Susan's finger.)

Susan: Mike, I twisted my ankle.
Mike: Good. 'Cause now I get to do this. (picks her up and kisses her)

(on Susan's answering machine) Hey Susan... um... I don't mean to bug you, but there's just so much I didn't get to say... um... I ju--... God, I'm lousy at goodbyes. Anyway, you will always be the best thing that ever happened to me and, well I hope you find the happiness you deserve. Bye. Oh, this is Mike.

Displaying quotes 1 - 12 of 62 in total

Desperate Housewives Quotes

I love you once. I love you twice. I love you more than beans and rice.

Mike

Hi. I'm having a problem with Mike and his male ego. Long story short, can I clog your drain?

Susan
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