I love you once. I love you twice. I love you more than beans and rice.

Mike: Should I offer to loan him a shirt?
Lee: Don't you dare!

If you field this one, I'll tell him where babies come from.

Mike: Why is there a big ass piano in our house?
Susan: Actually, Big Ass stopped making pianos. This is a Yamaha.

Mike: Did you just say Katherine is a leprechaun?
Susan: Lesbian. Katherine is a lesbian.
Mike: Okay. The first one made more sense.
Susan: Apparently, the other night, Katherine and Robin got a little drunk...
Mike: Hold it. Robin?
Susan: Yeah. She's a leprechaun, too.

Susan: I'm thinking a chocolate fountain would be a cool centerpiece to a dessert buffet.
Mike: Dessert buffet? We're having a wedding cake, right? Isn't that a dessert?
Susan: Yeah, but you have to give people a choice. Don't you think a chocolate fountain would be elegant?
Mike: I don't know, you, a big, white dress, melted chocolate? Am I the only one hearing alarm bells?

I'm not Ian. I can't afford to move you into a mansion, or fly you off to Paris. But I'll be damned if I don't give you the same dream wedding he would've given you.

Susan: You name one thing that you think is going over the top.
Mike: The dove wrangler...
Susan: Well the doves aren't going to release themselves!

Mary Alice: (narrating) Yes, Susan knew Mike was about to pop the question. The one she thought he'd never ask...
Susan: Oh, Mike.
Mary Alice: And thanks to Susan..
Susan: Will you marry me?
Mary Alice: ...he never did... Luckily, it wasn't the question she needed to hear...
Mike: I kinda had a speech prepared, but, sure, what the heck.
Mary Alice: ...it was the answer.
(Mike puts the ring on Susan's finger.)

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