Narrator: Buster had recently brought home a turtle in an incredibly misguided attempt to make his mother jealous.
Buster: You can stay in this box that Uncle/Father Oscar left behind.
Narrator: In fact, it was a box of Oscar's legally obtained medical marijuana.
Buster: Oh, good, you've already got grass.
Narrator: Primo bud. Real sticky weed.

Gob: Sounds like a tennis match between Steffi Graf and Happy Days star Donny Host.
Narrator: That's 'Most'!

Lucille: I'm trying to seduce him.
Michael: Who's the "I" in that sentence?
Lucille: Me.
Michael: You?
Narrator: Her.

(After Rita has walked on the water)
Michael: Hang on a sec. That's part of your trick, right?
Gob: No, that's not my trick, Michael.
Narrator: On the next Arrested Development ...
Gob: It's my illusion.

(about Rita) She was "special," but she wasn't smart.

Michael: You've never told me how many houses there are in the British Parliament.
Rita: Seven.
Michael: Are there?
Narrator: The answer is three.
Michael: Does sound about right.
Narrator: Three is the correct answer.

Trevor: I've got a problem with you having sexual relations with that man.
Narrator: So do I.

(Talking about Rita)
Michael: You know she's amazing. You know she was in the Olympics?!
Narrator: She wasn't.
Lindsay: She's that Rita Leeds? Wasn't she on the cover of Newsweek?
Narrator: No.
Michael: Yes.

George Sr. came across a U.S. Army combat humvee and the Pope-Mobile, and he decided to escape in the bullet-proof one.
(George Sr. steals the Pope-Mobile)

Rita: You are really quite a man, Michael.
Michael: You really think so?
Rita: Oh, yes. You are a complete and utter *bleep*. (kisses Michael and then leaves)
Narrator: I can't believe we had to bleep that. It would've been such a nice moment.

Gob: I'm gonna be busy this weekend being a Judge Pageant.
Narrator: Gob has been a Judge Pageant for years.
Gob: Can you believe what it does to your sex life?
Michael: I don't wanna hear it.
Gob: I don't wanna say it. First place, chick's hot, but has an attitude: doesn't date magicians. Second place, is someone weird usually, like a Chinese girl or a geologist. But third of all, although a little bit plain, her super low self-esteem. So I step in and lay her 'crown' upon my sweet 'head'.
Michael: Have I missed this euphemism?

Michael: You know, your average American male is in a perpetual state of adolescence, you know, arrested development.
Narrator: Hey, that's the name of the show.

Arrested Development Quotes

She sometimes takes a little pack of mayonnaise and she'll squirt it in her mouth all over. And then she'll take an egg and kind of...mmmm! She calls it a 'mayon-egg.' Are you okay?

George Michael

Oh, mercy me! I forgot that we were in the colonies.

Mrs. Featherbottom