I don't know if Hogwarts is near San Diego. I've never heard of it.

Ever since I've known you, you've been there. OK. You're always there. Even when I don't want you there, you're there. That's what a husband does. You fight for me. Thats what a husband does. You care about what I eat. That's what a husband does. You've cooked for me even when I don't ask. That's what a husband does. When I pass out you comb my hair so there's no knots in it. That's what a husband does. So guess what? You're gonna be a great husband to Cece cause you're a great husband to me.

Nick: What does a man do about that pain?
Schmidt: Takes a bubble bath.

You got hurt on a hog man!

Jess: Nick, are you eating raisins from my purse? I confiscated those from a kid.
Nick: That explains why they're so sticky. Sticky Nicky eats anything and I don't get sick.

I'm not gonna get sick. No germ can live in a body that is 65% beer.

I'd give you a hug, but my shirt smells pretty weird today.

Everbody has been flashed countless times, right?

It's not gonna end well for these two.

Winston: Would you consider us adorable?
Nick: No, we're adult men. We're cute.

I put on my special underwear because Jess is back because I made a promise I'd be wearing these when you came back.

Trust me, I'm wearing frozen underpants right now and I feel amazing.

New Girl Quotes

I'm gonna bake a cake so moist, girls are gonna be like, 'Ewww, why did you say moist? I hate that word?' and I'm gonna be like, 'Taste the cake!' And they're gonna be like, 'Damn, it's moist!'"

Coach

I'm not convinced I know how to read, I've just memorized a lot of words.

Nick