Coach: I need you to get harder Nick. Can you get harder for me?
Nick: What?
Coach: Do you need me to get hard with you?
Nick: I feel like you're not meaning to say what you're saying.
Coach: I'm talking about cleaning up.

Nick: I want to get rid of my stuff, but all my stuff is really good and I just can't get rid of it.
Coach: It's not and you have to.
Schmidt: Everything you own is trash.
Coach: You're basically a hoarder.
Nick: Not true. Everything has meaning. Everything is connected to something else.

I found an ant farm filled with candy wrappers, is this essential?

If you died, I'd be lost!

I’m not putting on the kimono. It legitimizes you owning it.

I once tried on my girl cousin’s wool tights and I didn’t hate how it felt.

I'm a very good secretary

Hey! If I cooked up a whole chicken, would you guys have some?

Sponges make me feel exhilarated.

First order of business, we eat their food.

Just be yourself, and if he’s not into Jessica Day, there’s something wrong with him.

When did one on one sex become old fashioned?

New Girl Quotes

This is a horrible neighborhood. There are youths everywhere!

Schmidt

Schmidt: Who let the dirty slut out of the slut house?
Jess [in a British accent]: Probably the slut butler, right!