That's more like dork magic.

I want magic, is that so bad?

If I can't have a kid with a woman, then maybe I'll have one with my cousin.

You have no standing to veto, it's my sperm.

I'm a business guy first and a sex guy second.

Nick: I'm very focused.
Schmidt: You're not even looking at me right now.
Nick: I though I saw something shiny.

On a plus side, I'm being very witty during this fight.

They're just boobs!

When I first grew boobs people started handing me stuff and I got messy, but then you gotta grow up.

Make up an excuse and get out of jury duty. Jess, please, I need you.

You son of a bitch, I love you!

Everything you just said makes me want to give you a wedgie in front of the others.

New Girl Quotes

I'm not convinced I know how to read, I've just memorized a lot of words.


I'm gonna bake a cake so moist, girls are gonna be like, 'Ewww, why did you say moist? I hate that word?' and I'm gonna be like, 'Taste the cake!' And they're gonna be like, 'Damn, it's moist!'"