Nick: I want to get rid of my stuff, but all my stuff is really good and I just can't get rid of it.
Coach: It's not and you have to.
Schmidt: Everything you own is trash.
Coach: You're basically a hoarder.
Nick: Not true. Everything has meaning. Everything is connected to something else.

I found an ant farm filled with candy wrappers, is this essential?

Coach: I need you to get harder Nick. Can you get harder for me?
Nick: What?
Coach: Do you need me to get hard with you?
Nick: I feel like you're not meaning to say what you're saying.
Coach: I'm talking about cleaning up.

If you died, I'd be lost!

I’m not putting on the kimono. It legitimizes you owning it.

I once tried on my girl cousin’s wool tights and I didn’t hate how it felt.

I'm a very good secretary

Hey! If I cooked up a whole chicken, would you guys have some?

Sponges make me feel exhilarated.

First order of business, we eat their food.

Just be yourself, and if he’s not into Jessica Day, there’s something wrong with him.

When did one on one sex become old fashioned?

New Girl Quotes

Schmidt: Are you in love with me? Because I'm in love with you, deeply. I assume that you would never because I messed this up so many times. You've made it very clear you only want to be friends with me and I value that friendship so much. So it I'm ruining it by doing any of this, please stop me.
Cece: Schmidt. I'm in love with you.

I'm not convinced I know how to read, I've just memorized a lot of words.

Nick