I put on my special underwear because Jess is back because I made a promise I'd be wearing these when you came back.

Trust me, I'm wearing frozen underpants right now and I feel amazing.

I'm gonna grab some old underpants and put a pair into the freezer for each of you.

I knew that French was gonna haunt me.

Well get ready for the skin circus you little peanut.

Nick: Of course we make decisions. How do you think I'm wearing clothes right now?
Schmidt: I lay those out for you Nick.

I love you like a mother or sister or girlfriend. It's not sexual.

It's not sex until you put the straw in the coconut.

That's more like dork magic.

I want magic, is that so bad?

If I can't have a kid with a woman, then maybe I'll have one with my cousin.

You have no standing to veto, it's my sperm.

New Girl Quotes

Paul Ryan 2020.

Schmidt

I'm not convinced I know how to read, I've just memorized a lot of words.

Nick