New Girl

Tuesdays 9:00 PM on FOX
New girl
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Jess: Nick calls birds 'wind-mice.' Nick says 'yahtzee' when he climaxes. He calls turtles 'shell-beavers.'
Nick: Well, that's what they should be called.

Nick: I know where you live!
Jess: And I live where you live!

There is something serious I have to tell you about the future. The name of my first-born child needs to be Reginald VelJohnson--I lost a bet to Schmidt.

Schmidt fired me and now I'll never get to use this briefcase I bought and it was $19!

What do you call a lunatic who's only got one case and no hobbies? Your worst nightmare.

When you put it like that, it sounds amazing...AND like prison.

Jess: Why does your bottom need to breathe?
Nick: It's like a plant. It needs sun and air.

I've got an uncle whose God-given name is 'Shifty.'

She is sleeping. By herself. Which is called napping.

Why lie? You know how many Millers have been or currently are in jail?

Schmidt: It's a bar mitzvah!
Nick: I am NOT watching a kid get circumcised.

Nick: I just want to make a good impression on Jess's sister.
Schmidt: Yeah, well, I want Julia Child not to be dead, but here we find ourselves.

Displaying quotes 13 - 24 of 130 in total

New Girl Quotes

I'm not convinced I know how to read, I've just memorized a lot of words.

Nick

Get rid of it, Jess. Pine has no place in this loft. It's the wood of poor people and outhouses.

Schmidt