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New-girl

Jess: Why does your bottom need to breathe?
Nick: It's like a plant. It needs sun and air.

I've got an uncle whose God-given name is 'Shifty.'

She is sleeping. By herself. Which is called napping.

Why lie? You know how many Millers have been or currently are in jail?

Schmidt: It's a bar mitzvah!
Nick: I am NOT watching a kid get circumcised.

Nick: I just want to make a good impression on Jess's sister.
Schmidt: Yeah, well, I want Julia Child not to be dead, but here we find ourselves.

Nick: Men don't talk to people they've dated, unless they want sex, or they're Winston.
Winston: I also want sex.

Oh, this is terrible--she's quoting Scripture, but using a ton of cuss words.

Just drive the car. I gotta tell my girlfriend that I don't love her so she doesn't leave me.

I'm pretty sure I'm having a heart attack, and I haven't arranged for anyone to clear my browser history. I wasn't building a bomb, I was just curious.

Nick: Do you know any time-consuming, free activities in Griffith Park?
Schmidt: Gross! Suicide?

Jess, you win! I'm gonna take you...respectfully!

Displaying quotes 13 - 24 of 124 in total

New Girl Quotes

I'm not convinced I know how to read, I've just memorized a lot of words.

Nick

I'm gonna bake a cake so moist, girls are gonna be like, 'Ewww, why did you say moist? I hate that word?' and I'm gonna be like, 'Taste the cake!' And they're gonna be like, 'Damn, it's moist!'"

Coach
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