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New-girl

She is sleeping. By herself. Which is called napping.

Why lie? You know how many Millers have been or currently are in jail?

Schmidt: It's a bar mitzvah!
Nick: I am NOT watching a kid get circumcised.

Nick: I just want to make a good impression on Jess's sister.
Schmidt: Yeah, well, I want Julia Child not to be dead, but here we find ourselves.

Nick: Men don't talk to people they've dated, unless they want sex, or they're Winston.
Winston: I also want sex.

Oh, this is terrible--she's quoting Scripture, but using a ton of cuss words.

Just drive the car. I gotta tell my girlfriend that I don't love her so she doesn't leave me.

I'm pretty sure I'm having a heart attack, and I haven't arranged for anyone to clear my browser history. I wasn't building a bomb, I was just curious.

Nick: Do you know any time-consuming, free activities in Griffith Park?
Schmidt: Gross! Suicide?

Jess, you win! I'm gonna take you...respectfully!

Nick: I'm gonna have to turn off the tap!
Jess: What tap?
Nick: The sex tap!
Jess: But I need my vitamin D!

Jess: So Nick doesn't have a traditional career.
Nick: Or is it the MOST traditional career? Or am I thinking of prostitution?

Displaying quotes 13 - 24 of 122 in total

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New Girl Quotes

She's on a flip-phone. That means she's either poor, or a time traveler!

Schmidt

I'm gonna bake a cake so moist, girls are gonna be like, 'Ewww, why did you say moist? I hate that word?' and I'm gonna be like, 'Taste the cake!' And they're gonna be like, 'Damn, it's moist!'"

Coach
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