I knew that French was gonna haunt me.

Well get ready for the skin circus you little peanut.

Nick: Of course we make decisions. How do you think I'm wearing clothes right now?
Schmidt: I lay those out for you Nick.

I love you like a mother or sister or girlfriend. It's not sexual.

It's not sex until you put the straw in the coconut.

That's more like dork magic.

I want magic, is that so bad?

If I can't have a kid with a woman, then maybe I'll have one with my cousin.

You have no standing to veto, it's my sperm.

I'm a business guy first and a sex guy second.

Nick: I'm very focused.
Schmidt: You're not even looking at me right now.
Nick: I though I saw something shiny.

On a plus side, I'm being very witty during this fight.

New Girl Quotes

Beans are nothing but soggy nuts!

Schmidt

Get rid of it, Jess. Pine has no place in this loft. It's the wood of poor people and outhouses.

Schmidt