Archer

Mondays 10:00 PM on FX
Archer
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You know how many times I helped a cow give birth in the barn? Plus one time my sister Edie? Well, she couldn't have it in the house! Long story. A long, racist story.

Pam: Now I feel like an asshole.
Malory: When do you not?
Pam: Almost always. I really like me!

Archer: In case you haven't noticed, this place is crawling with rebels.
Pam: And not the good kind you get drunk with at Myrtle Beach, and cruise the strip in the bed of their monster truck with a big rebel flag on it.

Pam: Not without a bunch of garlic and some wooden stakes!
Krieger: They're clones, not vampires.
Pam: Doesn't matter to the stake!

Archer: There's no way a superstar like Kenny Loggins is going to be registered under his own name.
Pam: Yeah ha ha....it's not like he's Messina.

How hot am I now? Let me answer that for you. AS BALLS.

That's gotta be a real knee to the old emotional nut sack.

Malory: What, were the Hell's Angels busy?
Pam: Busy being pussies!

Cheryl: You're all jealous of my fall-back career!"
Pam: As what, an ACTUAL acorn?

Look, auditory hallucinations aren't going to make you any less delicious.

Malory: It's like if you've ever seen Jackie Gleason dance.
Pam: Is that a compliment?
Malory: I don't see how it possibly could be.

Pam: Should I wash my hands?
Kriger: Eh, I didn't.

Displaying quotes 1 - 12 of 60 in total

Archer Quotes

Cyril: Archer, do something!
Archer: Who am I, Alan Turing? He was also in X-Men, remember?

Hawley: Awww screw me!
Archer: ...said Ripley to the android Bishop.