We'll go help you look for AJ in like five-teen forty minutes

I mean is Is it too much to ask during the goddamn work day for 80 minutes each of uninterrupted dump time?

Ray: Is this Brett's blood?
Cheryl: Ugh no, just the same type. We had to fudge it a little on the stains, some of which actually were fudge
Pam: And some of which merely resembled it

You know how many times I helped a cow give birth in the barn? Plus one time my sister Edie? Well, she couldn't have it in the house! Long story. A long, racist story.

Pam: Now I feel like an asshole.
Malory: When do you not?
Pam: Almost always. I really like me!

Archer: In case you haven't noticed, this place is crawling with rebels.
Pam: And not the good kind you get drunk with at Myrtle Beach, and cruise the strip in the bed of their monster truck with a big rebel flag on it.

Pam: Not without a bunch of garlic and some wooden stakes!
Krieger: They're clones, not vampires.
Pam: Doesn't matter to the stake!

Archer: There's no way a superstar like Kenny Loggins is going to be registered under his own name.
Pam: Yeah ha ha....it's not like he's Messina.

How hot am I now? Let me answer that for you. AS BALLS.

That's gotta be a real knee to the old emotional nut sack.

Malory: What, were the Hell's Angels busy?
Pam: Busy being pussies!

Cheryl: You're all jealous of my fall-back career!"
Pam: As what, an ACTUAL acorn?

Archer Quotes

Cheryl: What the stupid shit are you doing??
Cyril: You said you wanted watermelon.
Cheryl: Watermelon's red?
Cyril: Yes. How do you not know that?
Cheryl: Who am I? Charles Frederick Andress?

Cyril: Archer, do something!
Archer: Who am I, Alan Turing? He was also in X-Men, remember?