How hot am I now? Let me answer that for you. AS BALLS.

That's gotta be a real knee to the old emotional nut sack.

Malory: What, were the Hell's Angels busy?
Pam: Busy being pussies!

Cheryl: You're all jealous of my fall-back career!"
Pam: As what, an ACTUAL acorn?

Look, auditory hallucinations aren't going to make you any less delicious.

Malory: It's like if you've ever seen Jackie Gleason dance.
Pam: Is that a compliment?
Malory: I don't see how it possibly could be.

Pam: Should I wash my hands?
Kriger: Eh, I didn't.

Maybe you can shut your dick holster.

This time really get in there. All you've been doing is giving one side hell.

Archer: Where did you learn all that stuff?
Pam: You know I grew up on a farm, right?
Archer: Really hoping that's not relevant.

Krieger: I needed help disseminating him.
Cheryl: Eww!
Pam: Not what it means.
Lana: Still pretty gross though.

Archer: Does no one seriously no what today is?
Pam: Tuesday?
Cheryl: The rapture?

Archer Quotes

Cheryl: What the stupid shit are you doing??
Cyril: You said you wanted watermelon.
Cheryl: Watermelon's red?
Cyril: Yes. How do you not know that?
Cheryl: Who am I? Charles Frederick Andress?

Cyril: Why are you so scared of crocodiles?
Archer: Gee, I don't know, Cyril. Maybe deep down I'm afraid of any apex predator that lived through the K-T extinction. Physically unchanged for a hundred million years, because it's the perfect killing machine. A half ton of cold-blooded fury, the bite force of 20,000 Newtons, and stomach acid so strong it can dissolve bones and hoofs.