Wednesdays 9:00 PM on ABC
Modern-family

Don't talk black to me!

Gather round like you're hugging me, but don't touch me!

This stuff's really hitting me. My insides feel like velvet.

If I never wake up, I'd hate for the last thing you ever said to me to be a lie.

We raised our kids right. One of them will come forward, or the other two will rat them out.

Claire: We're gonna pass into legend. The parents who canceled Christmas.
Phil: I thought you'd be happy.
Claire: They'll write songs about us. They'll make a Christmas special with those ugly little clay pieces.

Phil: I can forgive the smoking, but I can't forgive the lie.
[Claire glares at him]
Phil: Or the smoking.

I guess the couch did it to itself. I guess it came home after a tough day, lit up a cigarette and burned itself. Is that what happened? Because that makes no sense.

Phil: Goodbye Dunphy Christmas. Haley, I guess you're not getting that car.
Haley: I was getting a car?
Phil: No, I was lying. Because that's what Dunphys do now, we're liars.

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