Claire: You think maybe you're being a little hard on Luke?
Phil: We're his parents Claire, it's our job to keep him off the stripper pole.

Phil: Well good morning Leonard.
Luke: Leonard?
Phil: I know it's not the well-behaved son Luke who'd never take our car out without a license and get arrested.

Claire: Phil, duck feed!
Phil: Hey, that's almost my name.

Phil: It's time, somebody warm some towels!
Claire: Every time I crack an egg, really?

It's like being on a submarine, right?

Congrats! I'm gonna roll away before you spit on my screen again!

Claire: We were called into Principal Brown's office one week before Alex's graduation.
Phil: That can only mean one of two things. Either she's going to be valedictorian, or they're giving an award for sexiest dad.

When it comes to wine, this woman doesn't see color. She'll drink anything you put in front of her.

If God wants a hamburger, this is what she cooks it on!

You know what a human pyramid is without hours of training? Ten obituaries!

[Singing] You are not the man you used to be. You get up four times at night to pee. Ba da dum da dum tat ta ta ta. You're super duper old now.

Phil: Then today it's, "everything I can do you can do better."
Luke: No, I can't.
Phil: Yes, you can.

Modern Family Quotes

By the way, do not look up peeing games on the internet.


Manny: Does this feel like a short visit to you, or a long one?
Jay: The pregnant one brought a stroller.