Pierce: What do you want me to do?
Jeff: Stay alive...or don't!
Pierce: I'm on it!

Anything could happen between now and that dance. An asteroid could hit. Do you want to be the schmuck who apologizes right before the world ends?

The barber shop--a reminder of the era when men were men, and women were sex-cooks who did laundry.

You ask one lady if she's Tyler Perry in drag and suddenly you're the bad guy.

Pierce: Let's carve that jive turkey.
Shirley: Got that out of your system?

No one's even willing to consider that I might be the Hitler of the group?

Did you know that in ancient Greece, it was considered an honor to invite a person my age to a space convention?

Ghosts can't go through doors, stupid. They're not fire!

Pierce: If you knew what spooked me, you'd probably call me crazy and old.
Jeff: No one's going to call you, Pierce.

A, that is racist. B, swamis can't drive, they're Indians.

White crystal, do you think dad was into meth?

Don't use gay as a derogatory term. Boo-yeah! Good person.

Community Quotes

Abed: Sometimes I like to pour hot chocolate mix into cold milk and drink it with hot cocoa, I call it special drink
Jeff: And some day you will know it by its true name, diabetes

I'm sorry Annie. I'm not the worker-bee type. I'm more of a silver back gorilla with the claws of a lion, the teeth of a shark and the quiet dignity of a tortoise.

Jeff