Andi: So. What are you going to do with your new freedom?
Sam: I might learn a new language.
Andi: Really?
Sam: No. I'll probably just nap a lot

Devil: Yeah, would you look at that, huh? Makes me sick. All the CO2 spewing in the air, polluting our planet, choking our beautiful Mother Earth. Did you know that global warming is the biggest threat facing us today?
Sam: Really? You care about global warming?
Devil: Yes, I care. Because it could destroy our planet. And if that happens, that jackass upstairs can count all the casualties as innocents. That means I won't get any of the souls. Zero. So yeah, man, I'm goin' green

Sam: Well you'd better start connecting physically quick, because I've got a feeling you're running out of time.
Billy: I can't rush it, dude. It's not just about me. It's about Cindy's pleasure too. It says so right on the condom box

Sam: Maybe Hell will think it's a mix-up. If not, we got to send Billy back.
Sock: Eh. Either way we get to enjoy the night air and desecrate a cemetery

Sam: It's a work problem. It's just.. it's for my other job.
Andi: Oh, well, can't Sock or Ben do it?
Sam: Well, this problem really needs somebody who's... smart.
Andi: Oh. I can see your dilemma

Sam: No, no, no. We can't raise a baby!
Gladys: Any idiot can raise a baby, which makes you more than qualified

Ben: Take me and Nina.
Sock: Nope.
Ben: We're friends, but we have our sexual side.
Sock: Yeah.
Ben: But then we keep it it in a box and take it out when we need it. We enjoy it. We play with it. Then we put it back in the box when we're all done.
Sock: There is no box that contain this sexuality, Ben. All right. Uncontainable. That's how I was born. In fact, the delivery room doctor said I was the sexiest baby she'd ever seen

Sam [about Morgan]: He's kind of the son of your boss
Gladys: So is Genghis Khan, you expect me to be impressed with a gap ad?

Devil: Now, I suggest that you grab that portrait tonight. If it stays there too long, Fitzgerald will show up and reclaim it, and more people will die.
Sam: Since when did you care if people got killed?
Devil: I don't. Good call.

Devil: You, on the other hand, are a conundrum. For all your whining and complaining, and lack of fashion sense, you always get the job done. You want to do the right thing. I hate that about you. But I guess that's the quality that makes you so effective.
Sam: Are you giving me a compliment?
Devil: No, mostly I just hate that about you

Andi: I'll talk to him. I have to be the adult.
Sam: Uhhh, that's, no, that's definitely a terrible idea.
Andi: Why?
Sam: Because you can't deal with Sock as an adult. You have to sink to his level. You have to sink below his level.
Andi: Uhh, I'm not sure that's even possible

Sam: You are a terrible person, seriously.
Devil: That's my job, man. You know, tempting the weak. Culling the herd. you know the drill

Displaying quotes 1 - 12 of 114 in total

Reaper Quotes

Hey, no shame in community college, K-Fed. I almost went

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Sam [about the vessels]: Wait. So, they're not all little vacuums?
DMV Demon: The boss gives you the vessel he thinks you can handle. You must be a real moron

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