Popular Sam Oliver Quotes
Sam: What is Ted doing?
Andi: I put a note on his windshield. It says: "Sorry, I hit your car."
Sam: You hit Ted's car?
Andi: No.
Sam: Who did?
Andi: No one
Sam: Trade? Dad, I don't think you have anything to trade.
Mr. Oliver: I have skills, Sam. All the years in advertising, I can use those skills.
Sam: I don't... I just don't think you have anything the Devil needs.
Mr. Oliver: I've created cartoon mascots to sell cigarettes to kids, Sam. To kids. Tell the Devil that.
Sam: That's a good point
Devil: He's been dating other women. Plural. Twins, to be exact.
Sam: What?
Devil: Ha. Dirty girls. Slutty. Oh, this player even makes me jealous
Sam: Yeah, well, I was being stupid.
Devil: Man to man? You always get a little stupid around that girl, Sam
Sam: Sock, we almost got killed.
Sock: Whatever, we've almost been killed way worse than that
Wow, I'm not usually a morning person but I kind of like knocking a soul off first thing
Devil: Holidays always depress me.
Sam: Holidays? What? Halloween? I thought you'd love this time of year.
Devil: I detest it with every fiber of my being. Back when it was the ancient Celtic festival of Samhain, now that... that was a holiday. Dead rising from their graves, damaging crops, causing trouble. Good times.
Sam: But now you hate it.
The Devil: It's the commercialization of evil. the one day when not a soul on Earth fears me, or even believes in me. I become a party gag. A plastic mask.
Sam: It's only one day out of the year.
Devil: Are you trying to make me feel better, Sam?
Sam: Yeah, I guess I am.
Leon: Tell me about your childhood.
Sam: My parents sold my soul to the Devil.
Leon: So, oohh, well... that's some abandonment and betrayal. And I'm gonna guess there was a lot of bedwetting
Devil: Sam, if I can impart to you one piece of knowledge, just one kernel of truth that I've gleaned over the entirety of my existence, it would be this. Betrayal is the defining trait of humanity. Your friends will always let you down. The girl will always leave.
Sam: That's not true.
Devil: Yes it is. And your so-called friends have proven my point. You know, you're not angry at Leon. You're just upset because you're realizing the weakness of your species. The most untrustworthy, unreliable creatures on this Earth... Except for bears
Devil: Sam, I invented therapy. Okay? So that the wicked could justify their actions.
Sam: I'm starting to be able to figure out when you're lying as well
Sock: God, do we have to talk to Russ? Guy gives me the skeeves.
Sam: Yes. Yes, we do. But remember, we are all business. You show any signs of friendship to Russ and it's like feeding a raccoon. We'll never get rid of him.
Sock: Ah, you hear that, Ben?
Ben: Oh, wh...
Sock: No, listen to me. None of this, my name's Ben. I like everybody. Let's be blood brothers, okay? I do not want to hang out with this guy. He's extra-strength douche
Sam [about the vessels]: Wait. So, they're not all little vacuums?
DMV Demon: The boss gives you the vessel he thinks you can handle. You must be a real moron
