Venture Brothers
Sundays 11:30 PM on Cartoon NetworkSgt. Hatred Quotes
Sgt. Hatred: You can't just hose him like a convict.
Brock: He's got ants on his ass. This is how you deal with the problem.
Sgt. Hatred: Don't you think we should let your old men go?
Hank: Soon, I'm still waiting for his random checks to clear.
I'm tired of you always Brock blocking me, Samson.
Hatred: There just wasn't anymore they could have done.
Dean: They could have tried.
Hatred: I know, but he didn't have any insurance and they wouldn't accept my diner's club card.
Henchman 21: You got lucky, old man.
Sgt. Hatred: In your dreams, fat back.
Sgt. Hatred: Hank, you know about the birds and the bees, right?
Hank: For like two years now!
Sgt. Hatred: Well, you know how some bees like other bees and some birds like other birds?
Hank: Like Uncle Gentleman?
Sgt. Hatred: Right. Now there are some birds that like eggs, and eggs are fragile and can't defend themselves. So some egg lovers take experimental drugs to not like eggs. Because I don't want to like eggs.
Hank: I already know that you used to be a pedestrian.
Sgt. Hatred: Yeah, I also like bees! I've had my share of honey.
Dr. Venture [outside the bathroom]: I have a list of inappropriate behavior. Number one: this! Don't do this!
Sgt. Hatred: What's number two?
Dr. Venture: Nothing. I don't have a number two. I don't even have a list. Get out of the bathroom!
Look, I was in the Guild of Calamitous Intent. And I'm also a recovered pedophile. So if anyone knows the rules about young abducting boys from their beds, it's old Sgt. Hatred.
Sgt. Hatred: Get up! Emergency! Our home has been violated!
Dr. Venture: What time is it?
Sgt. Hatred: Go time! I was downstairs, sitting in front of the computer masturbating, and then zip! This is sticking out of my neck, my clothes are gone, and the boys are missing.
Dr. Venture: Oh, my God!
Sgt. Hatred: Don't you worry! We'll get 'em back!
Dr. Venture: No, I mean, oh, my God, you just told me you were masturbating in front of the computer. That's foul.
Sgt. Hatred: Oh, what... and you don't?
Dr. Venture: Well, yeah, but I'm not proud of it.
Sgt. Hatred: Look, you can talk about your needless shame later. We have to rescue the sons.
Dean: All right, fine. But in the future, could you warn us before you do that?
Sgt. Hatred: In the future, the lazy Eloi will be living above ground. But underground, there will be cave monsters that use the above ground people for food. Dean, they eat them.
Dean: Now I know what happened to my copy of The Time Machine.
Hank: See, I didn't take it! I expect an apology. And also, I want a dollar. Emotional damage.
Sgt. Hatred: I don't wanna tell ya how to do your daddy duty or nothing, but don'tcha think maybe you're being just a little hard on the old Hankinator?
Dr. Venture: Hankinator? You're sleeping with him, aren't you?
Sgt. Hatred: It's a fresh new twist on a classic decoy tactic. We place 'em in key locations around the compound, and the next time your Monarch or your Baron Whats-His-Bheit comes a-knockin', he gets spanked in the face with five feet seven inches of screamin' hot stop it!
Dr. Venture: I'm five ten.
Sgt. Hatred: Yeah, maybe with them fancy elevator Beetle boots of yours
