The Big Bang Theory
Thursdays 8:00 PM on CBSSheldon Cooper Quotes
I apologize if I haven't been the friend you deserve. But I want you to know, in my way, I love you all.
I was under a misapprehension that my accomplishments were mine alone. Nothing could be further from the truth. I have been encouraged, sustained, inspired, and tolerated. Not only by my wife, but by the greatest group of friends anyone ever had.
Sheldon: I hate to say it but I think everyone is being incredibly selfish.
Amy: Well, you would be the authority on the subject.
Sheldon: UNCLEAN! UNCLEAN!
Penny: What?
Leonard: He thinks you're sick.
Penny: Oh. Should we tell him?
Leonard: If we don't, he might try to jump out of the plane.
Penny: Doesn't answer my question.
Amy: She's probably just air-sick.
Sheldon: But what if she's not. What if we get what she has? What if we infect the King of Sweden? That's how wars start.
Amy: This is about humbly accepting a great honor.
Sheldon: Amy, we won the Nobel Prize in Physics. Humility is for people who win the goofy Nobels like Literature, Economics, and Peace.
Amy: Please tell me that's not in your speech.
Sheldon: I can cut it but it's the only joke I have.
Amy: Sheldon, why are you talking so fast?
Sheldon: I'm trying to get my speech down to ninety minutes.
Amy: Nobody's going to be able to understand a word you're saying.
Sheldon: Welcome to my life.
Amy: Do you want to go back to the apartment and see me try on my dress?
Sheldon: Shouldn't I see it for the first time at the Nobel ceremony?
Amy: It's not a wedding.
Sheldon: Okay. Well, give me a minute to think of another reason I don't want to see it.
Leonard: Picked up your dresses?
Amy: Yup. The tailor had to take mine in and let Penny's out. Best day of my life.
Sheldon: What about the day you met me?
Amy: I stand by my statement.
Leonard: What kind of DNA is this anyway?
Sheldon: I was trying to design the genetic code of an advanced race of human being. One of my rare failures actually.
Leonard: What went wrong?
Sheldon: The balls kept sticking to my pants.
You're also married. You have a successful career. You no longer dress like you're trying to attract sailors by the wharf.
Penny: I used to be the bartender back there.
Sheldon: That's true. And now there's a completely different woman who botched my drink order. How hard is sixty-five percent Coke, thirty-five percent Diet Coke?
Penny: Judging by the look on her face, it's at least one percent saliva.
