Sheldon: Gee, Penny. Life's given me lemons, what should I do?
Penny: You could shove them somewhere.
Sheldon: Okay, now you're getting creative.

Sheldon: How many Edisons does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Amy: How many?
Sheldon: Who cares he stole the idea and doesn't deserve his own joke.

Leonard: Stephen Hawking liked our paper. Said the premise is intriguing.
Sheldon: Good to see you again, Mr. Stephen-Hawking- Liked-Our-Paper.
Leonard: And you as well, Mr. Our-Premise-Is-Intriguing.
Howard: How do you do, Mr. I'll- Admit-That's-Pretty-Cool?
Raj: Yeah, you keep setting me up for failure.

Sheldon: Professor Hawking?
Professor Hawking: Oh, brother, you should see the look on your faces.
Leonard: You really didn't like our paper?
Professor Hawking: I like your paper very much. The premise is intriguing.
Sheldon: Then why are you attacking us?
Professor Hawking: If you were sitting in a chair for 40 years, you'd get bored, too. Anyway, got to go. I promised to help the neighbor kid with his math homework. Ciao.

You mess with the bull, you get the horns. I'm about to show this guy just how horny I can be.

Leonard: Uh, another one says, "The concept shows some real out-of-the-box thinking".
Sheldon: Do you hear that, Mr. Out-Of-The?
Leonard: I do, indeed, Mr. Box-Thinking.

Leonard: You're sure it's good?
Sheldon: My name is right on there with yours. That is a surefire
mark of quality. That might as well say "Directed by Joss Whedon".
Leonard: Okay, partner, let's do it.

Leonard: You wrote a paper on my idea?
Sheldon: I wrote a paper on our idea.
Leonard: When did my idea become our idea?
Sheldon: When I mixed it with Sheldony goodness and cooked it in the Easy-Bake Oven of my mind.
Leonard: This is good. Our idea is really good.
Sheldon: Well, the light bulb in this oven is ridiculously bright.

Leonard: You're giving me a sticker?
Sheldon: Not just a sticker. That is a sticker of a kitty saying, "Me-wow!"
Leonard: I'm not a preschooler.
Sheldon: Fine, I'll take it back
Leonard: I earned this! Back off!

Penny: Sheldon, we are just people. we talk about the same things you guys talk about.
Sheldon: You talk about if werewolves can swim?

Sheldon: I don't want to tell you how to do your job, but when a mouse completes a maze it gets a food pellet.
Amy: It also gets its brain plucked out with tweezers.
Sheldon: And its last meal was a food pellet? You're a monster.

Sheldon: Nothing more fun than a paradigm shifting evening of science.
Penny: (to Leonard) And you thought it was soaping me up in the shower.

TBBT Quotes

Penny: Hey, Sheldon, did you change your Wi-Fi password again?
Sheldon: Yes, it's "Penny, get your own Wi-Fi." No spaces.

Sheldon: Why do you have the Chinese character for "soup" tattooed on your right buttock?
Penny: It's not "soup," it's "courage."
Sheldon: No it isn't. But I suppose it does take courage to demonstrate that kind of commitment to soup.
Penny: How'd you see it? You said you wouldn't look.
Sheldon: Sorry. As I told you, the hero always peeks.