Sheldon Cooper Quotes
Bernadette: Why'd you turn it off?
Sheldon: Because in the last ten minutes, Santa came to town, kissed Mommy and ran Grandma over with a reindeer. I had a drunk uncle who did all those things. Nobody sings songs about him.
Bernadette: Maybe you'd like it more if you thought of Santa as a superhero and his power is bringing joy to children.
Sheldon: My uncle was accused of that, too. It turned out to be legal in Oklahoma.
Sheldon: Ugh! English pudding. Y-You get yourself all excited for pudding, and here comes a cake with raisins in it. I'm not going.
Amy: You're going.
Sheldon: Why do you hate me?
Amy: I don't hate you. I love you.
Sheldon: Well, you call it love, but it has a lot of raisins in it.
- Permalink: Well, you call it love, but it has a lot of raisins in it.
Amy: Wait, She-Hulk's a lawyer?
Howard: Yeah, she works at a law firm in New York.
Sheldon: Yes, but she's the only monster at the firm. Between you, me and the wall,I think she's an affirmative action hire.
Sheldon: You know, speaking of attorneys,if I ever needed a lawyer,I would not hire She-Hulk.
Penny: You know what? That was almost on topic. I'm gonna say, "Good job, Sheldon."
Well, my little Flag-keteers, it looks like the last episode of Fun with Flags is at an end. If I could, I would run each and every one of you viewers up a flagpole and salute you. And if you touched the ground, burn you.
Professor Sharpe: Yeah, he wrote down everything he ever ate. He was convinced that calorie restriction was the key to living forever.
Raj: Does it work?
Raj: Well, he could have been hit by a bus. You don't know.
- Permalink: Well, he could have been hit by a bus. You don't know.
Welcome back. Our guest today is a returning fan favorite. He puts the reading in your rainbow, the Geordi in your La Forge, and the Kunta in your Kinte, Mr. LeVar Burton.
Amy: Say, Betsy Ross, what you working on?
Sheldon as Betsy Ross: I have no idea. Because the story of me sewing the first American flag is unsupported poppycock.
Amy: Then who did sew it, hmm?
Sheldon as Betsy Ross: Don't ask me. I'm just a simple seamstress whose descendants are...out to make a quick buck!
Sheldon: Now, I'm sure you're thinking, "The final episode? Who will stand between us and flag ignorance""
Amy: I know I was thinking that. Is this a show on flags or mind reading?
Sheldon: But the truth is I can no longer balance a full-time career, a popular Internet show, and a girlfriend.
Amy: And he really does have one, you jerks on the comment board. So as they say, all good things must come to an end.
I can't send it back. I had it engraved. "Here lie the ashes of Leonard Hofstadter. He thought he was right, but his roommate knew better."
Leonard: Okay, first of all, the surgery was a success, and secondly, I didn't even want you there.
Sheldon: Wow. I don't know which hurts worse-- my nose or my heart.
- Permalink: Wow. I don't know which hurts worse-- my nose or my heart.
Penny: Okay, the reason he deceived you is you were being
a pain in the ass.
Sheldon: The reason I was being a pain in the B is because I was worried about him, and no one else was.
Penny: Really? You won't even say "A"?
Sheldon: You bet your sweet B I won't.
- Permalink: You bet your sweet B I won't.
Penny: Here's a question-- as an alien pretending to be human, are you planning to engage in any post-prom mating rituals with Amy?
Sheldon: There are post-prom mating rituals?
Penny: Not always. Unless your date drives a van with an air mattress, then always.
Sheldon: Well, if it's part of the prom experience, then I'm open to it.
Penny: You're kidding.
Sheldon: I may be an alien, but I have urges.If Amy wants to copulate by firing her eggs into space, well, then, I will happily catch them with the reproductive sac on my upper flermin. I'm not the best at reading facial cues, but I can see that you're a little turned on.
Penny, there's only one cookie with something in the middle that solves life's problems, and that's an Oreo. Or a Nutter Butter, if you're in a pinch.Sheldon