The Big Bang Theory
Thursdays 8:00 PM on CBSSheldon Cooper Quotes
Raj: They put you under for a cleaning?
Sheldon: They have to -- I'm a biter.
Leonard: Sheldon, Canada is not going to invade California.
Sheldon: Yeah, really? You think those hippies in Washington and Oregon can stop them?
Cut! [sighs] Take 47.
Sheldon: Now, back to our game.
Raj: You were in the middle of an erection.
Sheldon: Oh, of course. It's right here in my hand.
And now that I have some wood. I'm going to begin the erection of my settlement.
Sheldon: Now, where were we? Oh, yes. Does anyone have any wood?
Raj and Howard: [Both snickering]
Sheldon: Oh, come on. I just want wood. Why are you making it so hard?
Sheldon: I want to build a road, but I need wood. Do either of you fellows have wood?
Raj and Howard: [Both chuckling]
Sheldon: I don't understand the laughter. The object of Settlers of Catan is to build roads and settlements. To do so requires wood. Now I have sheep; I need wood. Who has wood for my sheep?
Oh, no. They sent the wrong Spock. Live long and suck it, Zachary Quinto.
Amy: Jewelry? Seriously? Sheldon, you are the most shallow, self-centered person I have ever met. Do you really think that another transparently manipul... Oh! It's a tiara! A tiara. I have a tiara! Put it on me, put it on me, put it on me, put it on me, put it on me, put it on me, put it on me.
Penny: You look beautiful
Amy: Of course I do. I'm a princess and this is my tiara.
Sheldon: You were right, the tiara was too much.
Sheldon: I don't think there's anything in this jewelry store that Amy would appreciate more than the humidifier that we were just looking at at Sears.
Penny: Oh, my God, now I know what I sound like to you when I say stupid stuff.
Leonard: I don't know what to tell you, buy her something.
Sheldon: How does that work?
Leonard: Well, you skip over any attempt to repair your emotional connection and you win back her affection with an empty financial gesture.
Sheldon: Oh, I see why you're confused. No, her news sounded important, but what your forgetting is it was an achievement in the field of biology. That's all about yucky, squishy things.
Penny: Honey, she's upset. You're her boyfriend. You have to at least try to be excited by the things she's excited by.
Sheldon: What if they simply don't excite me?
Penny: Well, just smile and think about koalas.
