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I talked to your dad already, and once he gets tired of beating me, we can eventually be happy together, you and me

Something good happened here today, boys. The geek escaped from Hell. Geek banged a cougar. Geek walks away a little less of a geek. And we helped. Looks like we're his fairy bone-mothers. That is a nice feeling

Sam: Maybe Hell will think it's a mix-up. If not, we got to send Billy back.
Sock: Eh. Either way we get to enjoy the night air and desecrate a cemetery

Ben: Could you put some on clothes, please?
Sock: I'm too upset for clothes

Kristen: My father cannot know I date my stepbrother.
Sock: All right, sure, look, he'll be shocked at first. Yeah, so is the father of every girl I've ever dated, all right? But eventually, I promise you, he will settle into a nice, grudging acceptance

Ben: I mean, who's going to want me?
Sock: You bite your tongue, Benjamin. You bite your tongue 'til it bleeds in your mouth. You are a beautiful man, the outside and the inside. You got, you got that smile, that really lights up a room, that laugh. And that sexy Latin gaze that pulls you in like a magnet from the mother ship.
Ben: You... mean that?
Sock: Benjamin Casper Perez Gonzalez, I could get lost in your eyes for days. I'm not going to apologize for that

Sock: Okay, if we were meeting at the bar right now. I would probably try and pick you up with my best line.
Kristen: Okay.
Sock: Okay. Ahem. Excuse me. Hi. I think you're standing on my penis.
Kristen: I'm not sure I understand, but it sounds charming

Women. They're like a... mystery, wrapped inside of a... mystery wrapped inside of a third mystery

You know, it's like your talking. I can hear the stupid words coming out of your mouth but they have no meaning.

Tony: Plus, I came to warn you, I think they're dispatching some demon assassins to kill you.
Sock: Oh, we know. Ben's dating one of them.
Ben: Yeah, we're a power couple

Gladys [about the baby]: Oh, an IBOH.
Sock: What's an IBOH?
Gladys: Intentional Birth Out of Hell. It happens. Souls have been known to escape from Hell to have their children here. Better schools

Mr. Oliver, I'm really really glad that you're alive and everything but... I just about had a heart attack. I think I might still be having one.

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Reaper Quotes

Hey, no shame in community college, K-Fed. I almost went

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Sam [about the vessels]: Wait. So, they're not all little vacuums?
DMV Demon: The boss gives you the vessel he thinks you can handle. You must be a real moron