Archer
Wednesdays 10:00 PM on FXSterling Archer Quotes
Trinet: You can't tattoo a baby!
Archer: That's what the tattoo guy said. I had to slip him an extra hundred bucks!
Archer: I wanted to spend some time with the Wee Baby Seamus.
Trinet: He's not even your real kid.
Archer: So?
Trinet: So it's weird.
Archer: So is me paying you child support, Trinet, but you keep cashing the checks.
Trinet: Hey!
Archer: I'm sorry. Come on Trinet, Seamus may not be my real son. But he's probably the closest I'm ever gonna get.
Trinet: Where are you taking him?
Archer: I dunno, what's he into?
Rita: Well if it isn't Chet Manley.
Archer: And it's I want to say.. Peggy?
Rita: Rita. And you said you'd call me.
Archer: Really? To both statements...?
Doctor: Any history of alcoholism?
Archer [drinking]: You know, I drink socially.
Malory [also drinking]: Hah! What? I didn't have breakfast...
Lana: Oh My... You're getting off on this!
Archer: And?
Archer: I would have qualified... if I made it to the thing.
Lana: If your aunt has balls, she'd be your uncle.
Here's a sniper out there whose bullet could spark World War III and you idiots are tying up ISIS resources on high school bullshit? Cause I don't really see a downside to that Archer-wise. So load up. There should be a big box of grenades around here somewhere.
That so hard? Count Snackula.
Archer: Your stance. You're fighting yourself.
Rona: Excuse me?
Archer: You're all rigid and stiff. Which I'm all for. Rim shot.
Archer: You're just doing this to spite me!
Lana: And?
Archer: I am qualified because I happen to be the world's greatest secret agent.
Rona: But you're a man.
Archer: And then some.
Archer: Judging from the decor, I'm guessing Spelvin has one of those kick ass Japanese soaking tubs.
Cyril: After all that you want to take a bath?
Archer: Do you not?
