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It's funny. Some people never get to know the folks next door. They share a fence and nothing else, and we shared everything. How did we get to be so lucky?

Did you see those legs? How could you not want to be married to those legs?

I'm sorry. I've never been good with ass comments.

Killers don't wear aprons.

I don't know how to tell people what kind of man Mike was... what kind of father, husband and friend he was. I just never thought I would have to sum up his life before he was done living it.
 

Susan: Perfect! My best gay. Who else better to practice on? Good morning, Lee!
Lee: This is Bob's mother. OH MY GOD!

Gaby: I'm worried about you. First, you stop talking to your friends. Now, you're wiggin' out at a rat funeral. You're making me nervous.
Susan: Well, I'm sorry I'm not handling accessory to murder as well as the rest of you.

We're not criminals. We drive carpool.

Living away from you guys has been hard on me. Because sometimes when friends live apart, they sometimes grow apart, too. But, no matter how busy or how crazy our lives are, something always seems to happen to bring us back together. And that started tonight with this dinner. May we have many, many more.

Susan: I promise no feather duster and no purple bra.
Principal Hobson: And no bustier... Nice talking to you.

Mrs. McCluskey: You should go over and talk to Paul. I'll watch M.J.
Susan: Oh, I can't do that. He might be in the middle of something.
Mrs. McCluskey: Or he might be hanging from the showerhead. Do me a favor and check because if he's dead in there, I live downwind.

Mrs. McCluskey: So, post-transplant sex, huh? If it's as good as my post-cancer sex, you're in for a treat.
Susan: Fingers crossed.

Displaying quotes 1 - 12 of 251 in total

Desperate Housewives Quotes

I love you once. I love you twice. I love you more than beans and rice.

Mike

Passion. It's a force so potent we still remember it long after it's faded away. A drive so alluring it can push us into the arms of unexpected lovers. A sensation so overwhelming, it can knock down walls we've built to protect our hearts. A feeling so intense, it resurfaces even though we tried so hard to keep it buried. Yes, of all emotions, passion is the one that gives us a reason to live, and an excuse to commit all sorts of crimes.

Mary Alice