When the theater is in pain, I come to mend the wound.

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You've gotta sing like your privates are on fire!

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Are you one of those patriotic Americans I hear so much about?

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Tabitha: You wanna help? Yell at the gardener for parking his crap wagon in the driveway.
Debbie: Actually, that's our crap wagon, Tabitha.
Tabitha: Well, park it around the corner so the neighbors won't notice.

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