Tobias Funke Quotes
White Power Bill: Who is this little (bleep)?
Tobias: Well, it's been quite a while since anybody's called me a tyke, but no, I am Dr. Tobias Fnke, or with your help, Frightened Inmate #2. And who is this shiny building of a man?
George Sr.: Oh, I'm very scared right now.
Tobias: Lindsay, say something to scare me.
Lindsay: F*** me.
Tobias: Nope, nothing. Thanks for trying, though.
Tobias: All right, let's discuss this bunking situation!
White Power Bill: You're gonna be sleepin' under me for a while.
George Sr: (to Tobias) I sold you for a pack of cigarettes.
White Power Bill: No more teaching from you.
George Sr.: No teaching, no teaching.
Narrator: It was at that moment that George Sr. reunited with his son-in-law.
George Sr.: Tobias, what the hell are you doing here?
Tobias: I'm here to study with you. To learn from you. Teach me.
George Sr.: There's no teaching. There's no teaching.
Tobias: When a man needs to prove to a woman that he's actually ... When a man loves a woman, and he actually wants to make love to her, something very, very special happens. And with deep, deep concentration and great focus he is often able to achieve an erec --
George Michael: I'm sorry, I'm going to stop you here.
(Maeby walks down to see her parents fighting)
Lindsay: I'm saying everytime something starts to go well for you, you blow it.
Tobias: Nothing has ever gone well for me and you know it!
Lindsay: That's my point, you ... (sees Maeby) ... handsome cowboy, you.
Tobias: Oh, great. And now you're mocking me. You selfish c... (sees Maeby) ... ountry-music-loving lady.
Narrator: On the next Arrested Development, Tobias quietly overcompensates.
(Tobias enters the dining room, where Michael, Lindsey, Buster, and GOB are having breakfast, totally nude and streaching his arms)
Tobias: Please, tell me there's some coffee left. (Pours a cup of coffee.) I slept very well last night. (Kisses Lindsey on the cheek and leaves.)
Tobias: 14 years of lies. Yes, I'm the doctor. The perfect husband. The big manly man. The big strong daddy. Do you know the last time that I made love to my wife?
George Michael: No.
Tobias: I'll tell you when.
George Michael: No, don't.
Tobias: No, no, no, there's a shower scene? I have to be nude?
Carl Weathers: Hey, you don't shower with your clothes on, now, do you?
Jessie: There are very few intelligent, attractive, and straight men in this town.
Tobias: Well, that certainly leaves me out. She said single.
Jessie: And Tobias, you're a medical doctor and you're living an absurd fantasy as an actor. It's time to get real.
Tobias: Wow. It's a tough talk, but I like it. You're saying, "land a major film".
Tobias: Oh, Maeby, great news. I got my hands on some money. I can't say how or when ... or where my wedding ring is, but my purse overfloweth, as do my high spirits, so a-shopping we must go.
Maeby: Dad, we already went.
