The Office

Toby Flenderson Quotes

Toby: You know what would be the hottest thing ever? A pregnant Helen Mirren.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Toby: Every Halloween I tell him the same thing; you can't bring weapons into the office, and every year he says the same thing; as soon as I get my weapons back I'm gonna kill you.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Toby: Why would you need relocation if you already live in Scranton?
Ray Romano: Well I'd wanna move further away, ya know. Don't want any chance to run into my co-workers outside the office.
 • Rating: Unrated

Toby: Let's just say I'll be up to my neck in jury duty.
Michael: That was the worst joke ever.
 • Rating: Unrated

Toby: I just wanted to let you know that I'll be taking a leave of absence starting next week.
Michael: Oh because you've been on the lam? Because the boring police have been after you? And they finally caught up with you?
 • Rating: Unrated

Toby [to God]: Why you always gotta be so mean to me?
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Toby: Sunday church service, it's been a few years. The Big Guy and I...we've got some catching up to do.
 • Rating: Unrated

Michael: I know what you wanna ask me, did your mom ever see you naked?
Toby: We can do this with more privacy.
Michael: So you can molest me? Okay, I don't think so. We're gonna keep the blinds open so everyone can see what a big failure you are.
 • Rating: 2.0 / 5.0

Toby: Hey Jim!
Jim: Not now Toby! My God!
Michael: Get the hell out of here, idiot.
Toby: [walking away] What did I do?
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Darryl: Toby! Dwight! You come to my house? Bust up my trash cans? Call my baby sister an a$$hole and tell her to eat dog food?
Dwight: We thought she was you.
Darryl: How would you think a lady is me?
Dwight: [pause] Are you serious? Because you look exactly alike?
Toby: I don't see it.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

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