Toby Flenderson Quotes
Angela: The man is wearing sandals. I don't need to see Oscar's toes at work. Gross! I mean he looks like he just got off the boat.
Toby: Can't you just not look at his feet?
Angela: Excuse me? Oh. You're so educated, aren't you Toby? So trained to deal with a hysterical woman. I don't want to look at his feet. Do your job!
Michael is like a movie on a plane. You know, it's not great, but it's something to watch. And when it's over you're like... how much time is left on this flight? Now what?
This is great. My ex-wife's going to be so pissed. For once daddy's gonna be a hero.
Toby: Michael, we are only allowed to talk about Meredith's work performance. We can not ask her to stop drinking.
Michael: I am not asking her to stop drinking. I am imploring her to quit being an alcoholic.
Meredith: I'm not an alcoholic.
Michael: Yeah, obviously you are.
Michael: You said you were leaving and you made liars out of all of us. So...
Toby: I did leave.
Michael: Yes, you did. And then you came back, which makes you the biggest liar of... history.
Toby: Well, I don't see it that way.
Michael: Do you want to hear a lie?
Toby: What?
Michael: I think you're great. You're my best friend.
Toby: You know but the police could have been out there you know, catching real criminals instead of here searching my stuff.
Michael: Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me, that's who you're worried about? You're... you're worried about the cop's time? You think I framed you, and you're worried about the taxpayer? Dah, God! Welcome back, jerky jerk-face.
Dwight: Hit him! Hit him, Chicken.
Ryan: Yeah, punch him.
Michael: Hey hey! Come on, Ryan, who's side are you on?
Dwight: Ryan. Come on, man?
Michael: No do it, do it. I dare you.
Dwight: Punch him as hard as you possibly can in the face.
Michael: Not, not as hard as you can, just a good, solid punch. Come on! Come oooon...
Toby: I'm not going to punch you, Michael.
Dwight: Are you really not going to punch him?
Toby: No, why would I punch you?
Michael: Son of a bitch.
Ryan: You should have hit him man, guy was asking for it. Once in a lifetime, man.
Michael: So Costa Rica that was - did you have fun? That must have been fun.
Toby: Well, um, it was amazing. It really was, thanks for asking. Um the beaches were pristine...
Michael: Nice beaches, pristine beaches?
Toby: ... and, yeah, the whole thing was incredibly cathartic.
Michael: Why'd you come back? Why didn't you stay?
Toby: It was actually kind of hard to meet people I found.
Michael: I bet, for you.
Toby: And uh, yeah, plus it was hot.
Michael: Hot ... why didn't you get an air-condition- should have gotten an air-conditioner for yourself.
Toby: Are you all right, Michael?
Michael: Yeah, I am. I am.
[in a hospital bed] Oh, I went zip lining my third day in Costa Rica. I guess the harness wasn't strapped in exactly right. I broke my neck. And, I've been in the hospital five weeks now. I still haven't seen the beach. It's nice to have visitors.
I'd say all the goofing around at Pam's desk, and, and hanging out with Pam, has finally caught up to him... w-with Pam.
Toby: Can I talk to you a second?
Michael: Ugh, what?
Toby: Uh, I really think that you need to address what happened with Stanley this morning...
Michael: What are you blabbering about? Nothing happened.
Toby: Well, you know, Stanley was openly insubordinate.
Michael: That? In the conference room?
Toby: Yeah.
Michael: We were joshin around, the two of us, and he said "did I stutter," and I said "wha-wha-wha-wha-what, dawg?" It was joking, Toby, alright?
Toby: He didn't seem like he was joking.
Michael: Well you don't get it, because Stanley is a beautiful, sassy, powerful black man, and you're... you. If you had any friends, you would understand.
Toby: Hey, Stanley...
Stanley: Hmm?
Toby: I want to introduce you to...
Michael: [watching from office] Toby's replacement. Ugh. Wow.
Dwight: So what do we know about her?
Michael: Well, we know that Toby thinks she'll be great. So, strike one, I hate her already.
Dwight: I hate her too.
Michael: Why do you hate her?
Dwight: Because she... stinks... with her... ways... and her... head.
Michael: You know, Dwight, sometimes... I don't know, I think you say things just to agree with me.
Dwight: Would that be such a bad thing?
Michael: Yeah! It would! Just have a thought. Have an original thought. Although, I will agree that her head is weird.
