Popular Toby Flenderson Quotes
Dwight: You said we could come to you if we had any questions. (Pause) Where is the clitoris? On a website it says "At the crest of the labia." What does that mean? (Pause) What does the female vagina look like?
Toby: Technically, I am in Human Resources, and Dwight was asking me about human anatomy. Um... I'm just sad the public school system failed him so badly.
Toby: [watches Ryan bite his string cheese] Wow, you just dive right in.
Ryan: You know, around age 12, I just started going for it.
Toby: Didn't you lose a lot of money on that other investment, the one from that e-mail?
Michael: You know what, Toby? When the son of the deposed King of Nigeria e-mails you directly asking for help, you help. His father ran the freaking country, okay?
Michael: Take a gander. How many of these are you familiar with?
Toby: Hookah is not an illegal drug, Michael.
Michael: Yes, it is.
Toby: No, it's not. It's a type of pipe. You can fill it with tobacco, often mixed with fruit, or flavored...
Michael: Okay, you know what, Toby? Pam, could you take this down?
Michael: In addition to Toby's urine being tested, I would like to test his blood and his hair.
Toby: You can't do that.
Michael: I can test anyone randomly. And I have chosen you, randomly.
Toby: That's not random.
Michael: Oh, and another fun thing. We, at the end of the night, are going to give the check to an actual group of Boy Scouts. Right, Toby?
Toby: Actually, I didn't think it was appropriate to invite children, since it's uh, you know, there's gambling and alcohol, it's in our dangerous warehouse, it's a school night, and you know, Hooters is catering, and is that - is that enough? Should I keep going?
Michael: Why are you the way that you are? Honestly, every time I try to do something fun, or exciting, you make it... not that way. I hate... so much about the things that you choose to be.
I'm gonna chase this feeling.
Toby
Michael: I call everybody faggy. Why would anyone find that offensive?
Toby: I think Oscar would like it if you just used "lame" or something.
Michael: But that's what faggy means!
Toby: Michael, uh, we shouldn't be talking about this until all the decisions have been made.
Michael: You knew about this all along, didn't you?
Toby: Jan told me just a few minutes before she told you.
Michael: Traitor. You are a traitor.
Dwight: What was your mile time?
Toby: About seven.
Dwight: I could beat that on a skateboard.
Toby: Well, that has wheels.
Dwight: Yeah, well, my feet don't. And I could still crush that time.
Toby: Hey I need to talk to you right now.
Michael: Not now, not ever.
Toby: About you and Jan.
Michael: Aww, none of your business.
Toby: Wish it were true, but it, it uh, seems from that photo that you took, you've entered into an intimate relationship.
Michael: That photo is my personal property and if you are telling me you went on my computer and stole that photo, then I am going to call the cops.
Toby: Michael, nine different people emailed me that photo, including my ex-wife... we don't talk now.
Michael: This is probably the icebreaker you need.
Toby: You know, for your own protection, you should disclose the relationship to HR.
Michael: I bet you would love all the details, wouldn't you? Skeevy little perv.
Toby: All right, if you're having a relationship with your superior, you must disclose it.
Michael: No, no, no. I am not dating Jan. She was very clear about that. Just two like souls having a romantic time in the most romantic place on earth. Got enough, weirdo?
Toby: All right, thanks Michael.
Michael: OK.
Michael: What if Pam was a lesbian?! What if she brought her partner into work, would that be crossing the line?
Toby: No!
Michael: What if they made out, in front of everybody...
Toby: Well, that would be...
Michael: ...at home? And I told everybody everything about it?
Toby: OK, I'm lost.
