Season 2, Episode 18: "The Possum"
Tom: It's a robot bear! It's programmed to snuggle.• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Season 2, Episode 17: "Woman of the Year"
Tom: All I want in life is to own a nightclub on every continent, have my own line of upscale sweatsuits and cologne called Tommy Fresh and I fell a thousand dollars short.• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Jean Ralphio: Let's seal this devil's three-way right here, right now. Step one, we buy into this club. Step two, we roll over to the club either in your Mercedes Benz or my pre-owned Acura Legend. Step three, I dagger you on the dance floor. Just bounce bounce bounce bounce bounce now all the ladies sayin' bounce bounce bounce bounce bounce. What do you say, sexy?
Donna: I'm out.
Tom: Why?
Donna: I hate that guy.
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Tom: [imitates Ann] Mark, what are we doing tonight? [imitates Mark] Oh, I don't know, Ann. We could do the usual boring stuff like eat some chicken salad with some crackers or watch some pay per view. Or, we could go to my nightclub and do some dancin'.
Mark: I don't think so, man.
Tom: You'd never have to beg for sex again.
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Tom: I have two questions for you. One, are you ready for the investment opportunity of a lifetime? And two, do any of you have pacemakers or a history of epilepsy?
Jerry: Yes. Both.
Tom: Anybody? No? Alright.
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Tom: This VIP card gives you exclusive access to the investment opportunity of a lifetime. Where? Multipurpose room F. When? 3 p.m. Dress code? Black tie optional. Just like life.
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Tom: What about your trust fund?
Jean Ralphio: My parents had it amended. I don't get anything until I'm 50, which is a waste because I'm going to be a billionaire in Costa Rica by then. Eatin' dolphin and hangin' out with lady singers.
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Jean Ralphio: No way. Yesterday if you would have asked me, I would have said no. But thank god my grandfather just died so I am a-flushed with cash.
Tom: Awesome. I have four thousand bucks. All I need you to do is kick in six Gs, and then you and I are part-owners of the hottest nightclub in Pawnee. Also, sorry about your grandpa.
Jean Ralphio: No worries, he was a d**k.
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Tom: I want to open up my own club one day, maybe call it something like Club a Dub Dub, or the Club Marine. Sort of a submarine-themed club. Or Tom's Bistro. The word bistro is classy as %#@$.
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Season 2, Episode 16: "Galentine's Day"
Wendy: You're suing me for alimony?Tom: Yes. When we were married I got accustomed to a certain lifestyle and I'm entitled to money to maintain that lifestyle.
• Rating: 8.0 / 10 • Permalink
Total Quotes: 75
