Ben: Last time I took it, I was a Tom.
Tom: What?! No, no, no, no!! Take it again! Ugh, I have to go recalibrate the quiz!

I love you, you're one of my best friends, but you have betrayed me and everything you stand for! You've changed.

Tom: It's a whole documentary of my failures!
Lucy: That you made!

Lucy, your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to marry me.

To me! I own two restaurants, as well as several other properties. As long as we're celebrating.

Ron does this weird thing where he says exactly what he means. Just ignore him.

All the sushi is made by fish, previously owned by celebrities.

Treat yo' self -- in Beverly Hills!

Tom: In the words of Jerry Maguire.
Andy: The human head ways eight pounds.

Tom: Tom Haverford? That's nice, but I don't think we can consider me a celebrity.
Donna: That's your handwriting.

Andy: Head coach of the Chicago Bulls.
Tom: No he's uhh, we're with a non profit -
Andy: What!? No! Am I? That sucks.

I'm awesome at being humble.

Parks & Rec Quotes

Sometimes when you make an omelet you've gotta break a few eggs. What's the alternative? No omelets at all? Who wants to live in that kind of world? Maybe birds. Then all their babies would live.

Leslie

Time is money, money is power, power is pizza, and pizza is knowledge, let’s go!

April