Ben: Last time I took it, I was a Tom.
Tom: What?! No, no, no, no!! Take it again! Ugh, I have to go recalibrate the quiz!

I love you, you're one of my best friends, but you have betrayed me and everything you stand for! You've changed.

Tom: It's a whole documentary of my failures!
Lucy: That you made!

Lucy, your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to marry me.

To me! I own two restaurants, as well as several other properties. As long as we're celebrating.

Ron does this weird thing where he says exactly what he means. Just ignore him.

All the sushi is made by fish, previously owned by celebrities.

Treat yo' self -- in Beverly Hills!

Tom: In the words of Jerry Maguire.
Andy: The human head ways eight pounds.

Tom: Tom Haverford? That's nice, but I don't think we can consider me a celebrity.
Donna: That's your handwriting.

Andy: Head coach of the Chicago Bulls.
Tom: No he's uhh, we're with a non profit -
Andy: What!? No! Am I? That sucks.

I'm awesome at being humble.

Parks & Rec Quotes

Ron: Indianapolis is home to Charles Mulligan's Steakhouse, the best damn steakhouse in the damn state. I have taken a picture of every steak I've ever eaten there. June 2004: Porterhouse, medium rare, Bearnaise sauce. January 2000: They call this one, The Enforcer. February '96: The steak ribeye. The Whiskey: Lagavulin 16. The lady next to me? A bitch. Specifically, my ex-wife Tammy. OK, this is the first I ever went there. Look at me. Just a kid.

Time is money, money is power, power is pizza, and pizza is knowledge, let’s go!

April