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Parks-and-recreation

Hey, you’re a doctor. You know stiches get stiches!

Nadia: Wow, you are wearing a lot of moisturizer on your neck.
Tom: Best way to prevent crow's feet.
Nadia: Is this...glitter?

Tom: What brand is it?
Ann: It's called "Womb, There It Is!"

Woah, Dylan, slow down. That sweat suit is not for sweating. If you take that crushed velvet on more than a brisk walk,it'll fall apart.

Dating Mona Lisa is awesome. Except I live in constant fear of my life. So I need to do the mature thing and get someone to dump her.

I'm gonna buy some sweat pants and a Nicholas Sparks novel. Might as well lean into it.

Tom: Ron, ask me if I'm sad.
Ron: No.

One time my refrigerator stopped working and I had no idea what to do! I just moved!

Tom: Pop quiz. Name the scent.
Ben: Umm Spasm. No, Butterface!

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