Tom: How bout I break you off some of that Ja Rule?
Student: Who’s Ja Rule?

Tom: Every song I download has to pass a series of rigorous tests to answer one simple question: is it a banger?

A straightforward deal! Why didn’t you tell me? I don’t have my straightforward deal fedora on me! We gotta stop at my storage unit!

Ben, stop! This is like listening to a Ted Talk by the color beige!

If all goes well, this might be one of the last times I get to speak to you.

I got you a going away present. I’m finally deleting you from my phone.

Snakejuice! I thought these were destroyed by the FDA!

I’m not gonna buy that thing! It’s covered in a gallon of your boogers!

Video Ron Demand.

This morning I saw a youtube video with a puppy riding a motorcycle. So my bar my bar for stunning is pretty high.

Ronnn. Can you put some more tiny marshmallows in my hot choccy?

Hey, you’re a doctor. You know stiches get stiches!

Parks & Rec Quotes

Andy: There's an old saying in show business: The show must go wrong. Everything always goes wrong, and you just have to deal with it.

Time is money, money is power, power is pizza, and pizza is knowledge, let’s go!

April