Tom: How bout I break you off some of that Ja Rule?
Student: Who’s Ja Rule?

Tom: Every song I download has to pass a series of rigorous tests to answer one simple question: is it a banger?

A straightforward deal! Why didn’t you tell me? I don’t have my straightforward deal fedora on me! We gotta stop at my storage unit!

Ben, stop! This is like listening to a Ted Talk by the color beige!

If all goes well, this might be one of the last times I get to speak to you.

I got you a going away present. I’m finally deleting you from my phone.

Snakejuice! I thought these were destroyed by the FDA!

I’m not gonna buy that thing! It’s covered in a gallon of your boogers!

Video Ron Demand.

This morning I saw a youtube video with a puppy riding a motorcycle. So my bar my bar for stunning is pretty high.

Ronnn. Can you put some more tiny marshmallows in my hot choccy?

Hey, you’re a doctor. You know stiches get stiches!

Parks & Rec Quotes

Just remember every time you look up at the moon, I too will be looking at a moon. Not the same moon, obviously, that’s impossible.


Time is money, money is power, power is pizza, and pizza is knowledge, let’s go!