Favorite Tom Haverford Quotes
Every now and then, we have these little gatherings, and Leslie gets plastered. One time, I convinced her to try to fax someone a Fruit Roll Up. She, one time, made out with the water delivery guy. In her office. On Halloween, she was dressed up as Batman. Not Batgirl; Batman. And I convinced her to go stop a crime that was going on outside. And it is my favorite thing in the world.
It's a robot bear! It's programmed to snuggle.
Tom: What do you know? You don't care about things.
April: Yes I do. I care about Andy and Champion ... and I want Leslie to win. And I like sleeping.
He's just playing hard ball. Let me tell you how it's going to go
down. In a few minutes, we'll walk in there, we'll give him our
demands, and then BAM -- I start crying.
I want to open up my own club one day, maybe call it something like Club a Dub Dub, or the Club Marine. Sort of a submarine-themed club. Or Tom's Bistro. The word bistro is classy as %#@$.
An animal on the head, a manimal in the bed.
Wikipedia is mankind's greatest invention. You can learn about anything. We all know Ray J. We all know he's a singer. He's Brandy's brother. And he was in that classic sex tape with Kim Kardashian. But, did you also know he's Snoop Dogg's cousin AND he was in the 1996 Tim Burton movie Mars Attacks? Suddenly, you're on the Mars Attacks page!
If your job was remotely interesting, there would be a show on A&E about it.
May I say for the record that is a dope pocket square?
This is the hardest I’ve ever worked on anything since…wow—I’ve never worked hard on anything! What a cool life!
Hey, Jerry? April was just double checking the lunch order. Do you want the salmon or the twout?
Please, Ron. I’ve never asked you for anything today.
