My baby has no shot at a normal life.

Ellie: Something's off.
Travis: Maybe you've finally developed human emotions and feel bad for hurting people.
Ellie: No, but that's funny.

Laurie: Today baby Bobby turns 6 weeks old!
Travis: And 6 weeks after childbirth means Laurie and I can finally... officially... get it on.
Ellie: Ugh.
Andy: Bleh.

  • Permalink:
  • Added:

Travis: My tee-ball coach diagnosed me with a terminal case of 'the dropsies'.
Ellie: A month from now, you're going to be holding a fragile, infant life in your hands.
Travis: Do you think it's going to be a problem?
Ellie: Babies heads are soft.

Laurie: Hey, for the record I wore underwear tonight so you'd think I was classy.
Travis: No you didn't.
Laurie: I didn't. Turns out I don't actually own any.

Travis: You know, I've actually been experimenting at school.
Ellie: I totally called that!
Jules: What's his name? Is he cute?
Travis: I meant with religion.
Jules: Aw man, I was excited to show you how cool I'd be about it.

Jules: I can't even be a whore?
Travis: Mom, I think you would be an amazing whore-oh my God I can't believe I just said that.

Travis: Oh my God, you want us to be friends?
Jules: Friends that can talk about anything. I want us to be friends with benefits. I didn't use that right, did I?

Travis: Admittedly, Game of Thrones gives me a giant nerdgasm, but I gotta warn you guys it's a little racy.
Jules: Oh Trav, we're adults, we can handle it - oh, wow, boobs already!

Good God, I'm a stalker.

Jules: Taters are for laters.
Travis: She actually did say that.

Bobby: Hey Bud, can we talk about Laurie?
Travis: You know I really like her, huh?
Bobby: Yeah, I could tell by the way you stare at her breasts. Different from the way you stare at other breasts, more respectful.

Cougar Town Quotes

Laurie: Ellie, I saw Andy's feet...I'm so sorry.
Ellie: No one understands.

Take OFF the mom goggles!

Laurie