Game of Thrones
Sundays 9:00 PM on HBOFavorite Tyrion Lannister Quotes
Where do I begin, my lords and ladies? I am a vile man, I confess it. My crimes and sins are beyond counting. I have lied and cheated, gambled and whored. I'm not particularly good at violence, but I'm good at convincing others to do violence for me. You want specifics, I suppose. When I was seven, I saw a servant girl bathing in the river. I stile her robe and she was forced to return to the castle naked and in tears. I closed my eyes, but I could still see her tits bouncing. When I was 10, I stuffed my uncle's boots with goat sh*t. When confronted with my crime, I blamed a squire. Poor boy was flogged, and I escaped justice. When I was 12 I milked my eel into a pot of turtle stew. I flogged the one-eyed snake, I skinned my sausage. I made the bald men cry into the turtle stew, which I believe my sister ate. At least I hope she did. I once brought a jackass and a honeycomb into a brothel....
The Lord of Light wants his enemies burnt. The Drowned God wants his enemies drowned. Why are all the gods such vicious c-nts? Where is the god of t-ts and wine?
Watching your vicious bastard die gave me more relief that a thousand lying whores.
I'm a monster, as well as a dwarf. You should charge me double.
Robert Arryn: Can I make the little man fly now?
Tyrion: Not this little man. This little man is going home now.
There's your peace. Joffrey saw to that when he decided to remove Ned Stark's head. You'll have an easier time drinking from that cup that you will bringing Robb Stark to the table now. He's winning, in case you haven't noticed.
Have you ever heard the phrase "Rich as a Lannister?" Of course you have. You're a smart man. You know who the Lannister's are. I am a Lannister. Tyrion, son of Tywin. Of course, you have also heard the phrase, a Lannister always pays his debts. If you deliver a message from me to Lady Arryn, I will be in your debt. I will owe you gold. If you deliver the message, and I live, which I very much intend to do.
Joffrey: Better looking bitches than you're used to uncle. My ma's been looking for you. We ride for King's Landing today.
Tyrion: Before we go, you will call on Lord and Lady Stark and offer your sympathies.
Joffrey: What good would my sympathies do them?
Tyrion: None, but it is expected of you. Your absence has already been noted.
Joffrey: The boy means nothing to me. And I can't stand the wailing of women. (Tyrion slaps Joffrey)
Tyrion: One word, and I'll hit you again.
Joffrey: I'm telling mother!
Tyrion: Go, tell her. But first you will get to Lord and Lady Stark and tell them how very sorry you are, that you are at their service and all your prayers are with them. Do you understand?
Joffrey: You can't... (Tyrion slaps him again)
Tyrion: Do you understand?
The Hounds: The prince will remember that, little Lord.
Tyrion: I hope so. If he forgets, be a good dog, and remind him.
Listen to me. Sometimes possession is an abstract concept. When they captured me, they took my purse, but the gold is still mine.
Would it be excessive of me to ask you to save my life twice in a week?
If you're going to be a cripple, it's better to be a rich cripple. Take care, Snow.
Tyrion: Do you think I'm plump? Listen, Benjen, may I call you Benjen?
Benjen: Call me what you like.
Tyrion: I'm not sure what I've done to offend you. I have great admiration for the Night's Watch, and for you as First Ranger.
Benjen: You know my brother once told me? That nothing someone says before the word but really counts.
Tyrion: But, I don't believe that giants and ghouls and white walkers are lurking beyond the wall. I believe that the only difference between us and the wildlings is that when that wall went up, our ancestors happened to live on the right side of it.
