All this money and I didn’t do anything. I’m one mustache away from being a Kardashian.


Caroline: Sophie, it’s nice to see you so giddy about something.
Max: Yeah, you’re like me sitting on that broken washer at the laundry mat.

He dropped me off first because he’s a class act, and because he had to put his pants back on.


I hear that phone has a great camera for selfies, or in your case elfies.


Caroline: Next up, I have gas.
Max: Ah, thanks for the heads up this time.

Ladies, you’re wasting your time. He can’t speak and he doesn’t like girls. He’s a vegetable and a fruit.


Max is right. There are two things in life you cannot lose, a rent-controlled apartment and bladder control.


As soon as they find out this Lester Donovan is no longer living there, the rent will get higher than Justin Bieber on a plane with his dad.


Max: I love our toilet lawn.
Caroline: It’s gross.

Everybody, please! Han clearly just injured his vagina.


Well, my high was catching a glimpse of a customer’s lacy g-string and my low was seeing his junk.


My high was finding a barrette in the bathroom and my low was imagining my life without it.


2 Broke Girls Quotes

Just because there is snow on the roof, doesn't mean there is not swing in the sling


You think this (clicking the fingers) is the sound that gets you service, I think that´s the sound that dries up my vagina.