All this money and I didn’t do anything. I’m one mustache away from being a Kardashian.


Caroline: Sophie, it’s nice to see you so giddy about something.
Max: Yeah, you’re like me sitting on that broken washer at the laundry mat.

He dropped me off first because he’s a class act, and because he had to put his pants back on.


I hear that phone has a great camera for selfies, or in your case elfies.


Caroline: Next up, I have gas.
Max: Ah, thanks for the heads up this time.

Ladies, you’re wasting your time. He can’t speak and he doesn’t like girls. He’s a vegetable and a fruit.


Max is right. There are two things in life you cannot lose, a rent-controlled apartment and bladder control.


As soon as they find out this Lester Donovan is no longer living there, the rent will get higher than Justin Bieber on a plane with his dad.


Max: I love our toilet lawn.
Caroline: It’s gross.

Everybody, please! Han clearly just injured his vagina.


Well, my high was catching a glimpse of a customer’s lacy g-string and my low was seeing his junk.


My high was finding a barrette in the bathroom and my low was imagining my life without it.


2 Broke Girls Quotes

You think this (clicking the fingers) is the sound that gets you service, I think that´s the sound that dries up my vagina.


Hey, when you get a second, stop staring at my boobs.