Liz: I know this is a difficult time for you, but word of advice: if the will says that you have to spend the night in a haunted house, you better hope that everyone else there are black people or sluts.

I'm the luckiest sh/man in the world.


[reading Tracy's letter] I will always be your ... oh no, I'm white, I can't read that word.


[on Argus] He's become listless, and he won't eat any of the food I got at the crazy rich person's pet shop.


[on Geiss] We'd sit on his veranda talking about politics, business, how not to get paper cuts when making love on a pile of money.


Peacocks can live up to 40 years. Longer if they're not part of Mike Tyson's zoo.


I'm guessing already married cat strangler.


We really were the Sam and Diane of this place.


[to Jenna] What's going on? Why are you being so happy and nice? Are you soaking your tampons in vodka again?


We have to tell Jenna that we can't do her Kardashian sketch because Jack is bro's with Lamar Odom.


You sound like my mother being pulled on stage at a 2 Live Crew concert.


Liz: I'm not gonna let this dress win. This morning I joined-
Jack: A suicide cult.
Liz: A gym.

30 Rock Season 4 Episode 19 Quotes

I just got my bridesmaid dress for Cerie's wedding. It is a Vietnamese size 2.


[to Jack] How is your thing weirder than mine?