Jack: He is not your friend, he's your opponent. He's going to try to grab all the marbles and it's our job to hide them.
Liz: That's not how you play marbles, Jack.
Jack: But that's how you keep them.

Tracy: I love this cornbread so much, I want to take it behind a middle school, and get it pregnant.
Kenneth: (dreamily) Pregnant cornbread ...

Why do you sound surprised? I love America. Just because I think gay dudes should be allowed to adopt kids and we should all have hybrid cars doesn't mean I don't love America.

Liz

Liz: Why did you tell the reporter that you hate the troops?
Jenna: What? I didn't say I hate the troops.

Jenna: Liz, I'm just worried that I'm going to sound like I don't know what I'm talking about.
Liz: Would Sharon Stone worry about that?

That lady you European-kissed last night was actually a gentleman.

Kenneth

Good lord! The worm ... that's so degrading. Are its origins German?

Jack

The crab is getting aroused. Shut it down. Shut it down!

Jack

Television on! Pornography!

Tracy

Jack: Lemon, I would like to teach you something. I would like to be Michelle Pfeiffer to your angry black kid who learns that poetry is just another way to rap.
Liz: No, Jack. I don't want to learn about negotiation. I just want Josh to stay. The show needs him.
Jack: Lesson number one: you don't need anyone. Sure, Josh tests well with female viewers 12 to 24, which is important to advertisers because young women will buy just about anything.

These sunglasses have a chip in them that makes the lenses change color as my iPod loses power!

Cerie

Liz: Wow, this is an... honor. I have a friend who is number four on Maxim's list of "The Sexiest Women in Comedy."
Jenna: Thanks. At first I was mad that Jessica Simpson was ahead of me, but then I saw The Dukes of Hazzard. Funny!

Displaying quotes 1 - 12 of 16 in total

30 Rock Season 1 Episode 15 Quotes

Second of all, if the president is so serious about the war on terror, why doesn't he hunt down and capture Barack Obama before he strikes again?

Jenna

Dot Com: Yo, Kenneth, we need to talk now.
Kenneth: Oh, I've had this conversation before. You're marrying my mom, aren't you?

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