Jack: He is not your friend, he's your opponent. He's going to try to grab all the marbles and it's our job to hide them.
Liz: That's not how you play marbles, Jack.
Jack: But that's how you keep them.

Tracy: I love this cornbread so much, I want to take it behind a middle school, and get it pregnant.
Kenneth: (dreamily) Pregnant cornbread ...

Why do you sound surprised? I love America. Just because I think gay dudes should be allowed to adopt kids and we should all have hybrid cars doesn't mean I don't love America.


Liz: Why did you tell the reporter that you hate the troops?
Jenna: What? I didn't say I hate the troops.

Jenna: Liz, I'm just worried that I'm going to sound like I don't know what I'm talking about.
Liz: Would Sharon Stone worry about that?

That lady you European-kissed last night was actually a gentleman.


Good lord! The worm ... that's so degrading. Are its origins German?


The crab is getting aroused. Shut it down. Shut it down!


Television on! Pornography!

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