Honey you have a dynamite shape, but you're gonna have to shut up and let a man tell us what's happening.

Jon Hamm (as Chuck)

Recent studies have shown that while pregnancy is disgusting, babies do not need tar or nicotine.

Dr. Spaceman

I's done stoled this catfish!

Jon Hamm (as Abner)

Jon Hamm (as Abner): Here I is Alfie.
Tracy (as Alfie): Oh hell no, I ain't doin' this.

We've got a great show. At least that's what the Jews I pay tell me.

Jack (as Tony)

I may have a dress, and a wig, and a gynecologist, but I am the man.


Nine out of 10 doctors said "Who is this? Why are you calling so late?" but the 10th guy was into it.

Dr. Spaceman

Bang, zoom, I'm gonna drown you in the bathtub and say a mental patient did it.

Jack (as Larry)

One of these days I'm gonna cut you up in pieces and feed you to the neighbor's dogs.

Jack (as Larry)
Displaying quotes 1 - 9 of 12 in total