[on knowing his mom was out shopping] I know. My credit card company called to confirm my purchase of the book "Intercourse After Hip Surgery."

Jack

A guy like Paul, who can drive at night? You just don't say say no to that!

Jack's mom

Now you're standing on the very spot where Grace Allen took Jack Parr's virginity.

Kenneth

[on treating Liz differently] Well, I pay you a little less.

Jack

[on what the crew holds back from Liz] Farts, for one thing.

Pete

[on his pig] She went crazy. She bit off my nutsack, that I kept tied around my belt to feed the squirrels.

Kenneth

Everyone has something to hide. For instance, I'm wearing a child's Halloween costume under this.

Len

[to Liz] You know this food area is always the first place I go to look for you.

Cerie

Oh, I didn't know anyone was here. That wasn't me screaming in the bathroom.

Jenna
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