30 Rock

30 Rock Season 1 Quotes

Season 1 Episode 21: "Hiatus"

Pete: [on missing Tracy] Oh, I hope he's okay.
Liz: I hope he's taking his medication.
Kenneth: And I hope he take a jacket, 'cause it can get real chilly there.
 • Rating: Unrated

Tracy: Kenneth should have given you the code word.
Jesse: What?
Tracy: That's it!
 • Rating: Unrated

Jesse: It was so funny, I nearly wet m' other pair of underpants!
 • Rating: Unrated

Colleen: Well, well, well, well, well, this must be the one, huh? Phoebe! Welcome.
Jack: No, no.
Liz: No, I-
Colleen: Welcome, welcome, welcome!
Jack: Mother, mother! This is not Phoebe.
Liz: No.
Colleen: This is not Phoebe? Well, why the hell not? I mean, she's perfect. Character, she got strength of character... and I tell you something else; she's got a good, solid... baby bucket.
Liz: You are a sassy old broad, aren't you?
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Phoebe: Hello.
Jack: Uh, Mother, this is Phoebe. Phoebe, this is my mother.
Phoebe: Hello, Mother Donaghy, I'm Phoebe! It's such a pleasure to meet you. I love your little hat.
Colleen: Oh, my God.
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Colleen: Tell him his mother's here! ...And she loves him! ...But not in a queer way!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Colleen: [referring to Phoebe] All right, scout's honor, what do you think of her?
[Jack gives Liz a look]
Liz: She's very well-read... and she's very stylish, don't you think? And you know the most important thing is she makes Jack very happy. She's like a... white geisha.
 • Rating: 3.0 / 5.0

Season 1 Episode 20: "Cleveland"

Tracy: The Black Crusaders are a secret group of powerful Black Americans. Bill Cosby and Oprah Winfrey are the chief majors, but Jesse Jackson, Colin Powell and Gordon from Sesame Street, they're members, too, and they meet four times a year in the skull of the Statue of Liberty. You can read about that on the Interweb.
Liz: Ah, well, it must be true if it's on the "Interweb."
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Floyd: If the whole world moved to their favorite vacation spots, then the whole world would live in Hawaii and Italy and Cleveland.
 • Rating: 4.5 / 5.0

Phoebe: You know how John Lennon was better then all the rest of the Beatles but he never realized it until he met Yoko? Well I'm gonna be Jack's Yoko!
Liz: You want to be Yoko?!
 • Rating: 3.0 / 5.0

Season 1 Episode 19: "Corporate Crush"

Liz: His name's Floyd.
Jack: That's unfortunate.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Frank: Yo Tray, we got a problem.
Tracy: [as Jefferson] Pray who be this Tracy Jordan thou speakest of?
Frank: Uh, President Jefferson, we got a problem.
Tracy: Speakest!
Frank: That horse ate your wig.
Tracy: Well, stand guard by his rump and await it in his droppings!
Lutz: Or we could probably just go get a new wig?
Tracy: A-ha! I like you, young man; you shall run my university.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Tracy: [as Sally Hemings] I'm with child!
Tracy: [as Thomas Jefferson] What?
Tracy: [as Sally Hemings] Will you free me and make me your wife?
Tracy: [as Thomas Jefferson] Um... I'm gonna have to get back to you on that.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Jack: I'm not a creative type like you, with your work sneakers and left-handedness.
 • Rating: 4.7 / 5.0

Jack: You've been avoiding me, Lemon.
Liz: How do you do that without turning around?
Jack: To be perfectly honest, the first couple of people I did that to were not you, but... here we are.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Season 1 Episode 18: "Fireworks"

Devon: Celebrity snuff. Reality content made exclusively for your mobile phone: Oh what's that? MC Lyte just murdered Danny Bonaduce? Thanks, PHONE.
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Jack: Hey, Devin, you'd better watch out. Kenneth may take your job one day.
Devon: Or your job, Jack.
Kenneth: [points at janitor] Or his job!
[Jack and Devon stare in silence]
 • Rating: Unrated

Jack: Banks is no slouch. He pioneered the concept of ten-second Internet sitcoms.
[cut to computer]
Theme: Makin' it happen!
[husband walks in door]
Husband: Honey, I'm home!
Wife: [sarcastic] Oh, great!
Theme: We made it!
[credits roll]
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Dr. Spaceman: I have the results of your DNA Test. I am very serious about doctorppatient confidentiality, so I am gonna have to ask that all four of us keep this to ourselves.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Devon: You warlock! You came to entrance me!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

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