Hill: What does S.H.I.E.L.D. stand for Agent Ward?
Ward: Strategic Homeland Intervention, Enforcement and Logistics Division.
Hill: And what does that mean to you?
Ward: That someone really wanted our initials to spell SHIELD.

Skye: Sweet ride.
Coulson: I earned a little good will from Direct Fury when I got hit right before the battle of New York.
Skye: You took a bullet?
Coulson: "ish".

The name they gave me at the orphanage was Mary Sue Poots

Skye

I'm doing what we always do. We're going to fix this. Together.

Fitz

Simmons is probably smarter, technically. But that’s because she like homework more than life itself.

Fitz

Ward: I know Director Fury felt he owes you after you scarified yourself.
Coulson: And my card collection.

If I come out, will you shoot me? 'Cause then I won't come out.

Coulson

We still need to iron out the kinks, but Ward you can speak 6 languages, Simmons you have 2 PHD's in fields I cannot pronounce, and Fitz you ARE a rocket scientist, so work it out.

Coulson

Most people know the legend of Peggy Carter but there were so many stories that were never recorded.

Coulson [to the tour group]

Don't do anything rash while I'm gone, like jump out of an airplane.

Fitz

Coulson: Go ahead, say it.
May: I don't do petty.
Coulson: But you called it. I trusted my gut even though you said she was a risk.
May: When someone breaks into my house, I usually don't invite them to stay. But that's me.
Coulson: That's me too. Then that alien staff when through my heart.
May: Sure it didn't go through the brain?
Coulson: You really don't do comforting either do you?

Hill: Then New York was invaded by aliens, and they were beaten back by among others, a giant green monster, a costumed hero from the 40s, and a god.
Ward: I don't think Thor is technically a god
Hill: You haven't been near his arms.

Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. Quotes

Kasius: Yo-Yo Rodriguez? How peculiar.
Yo-Yo: Says the space mime!

Sousa: Hey, what are you doing up?
Daisy: Why do you care?
Sousa: Because you don't.