You know how many times I helped a cow give birth in the barn? Plus one time my sister Edie? Well, she couldn't have it in the house! Long story. A long, racist story.

Pam

Nothing is over! Nothing! You don't just turn it off!

Cyril

Officer: The First Lady and I are having an affair.
Cyril: Damn, dog! That was my B.

We've been selling cocaine for the CIA so they can buy arms from Iran!? Did we at least free some hostages?!

Baby, what is she saying? Baby? Baby? BABYYYY?

Sterling Archer, I'd like you to meet your daughter, Abigene.

Lana

We all enjoyed this break from him, but Cyril, if you tell him I said this I'll break your freakin' arms, but it's, ugh, Archer Time.

Lana

Thank you, George Borewell, for that clunky analogy in defence of totalitarianism.

Calderon: My father fought the rebels, and his father fought the rebels!
Cherlene: So, like a family business.
Archer: That manufactures oppression.

I facetiously beg milady's pardon.

Start counting backwards from a million years and when you get to zero, that still won't happen.

Cherlene

Cyril's just the Vader to your Palpatine.

Lana

Archer Quotes

Cheryl: What the stupid shit are you doing??
Cyril: You said you wanted watermelon.
Cheryl: Watermelon's red?
Cyril: Yes. How do you not know that?
Cheryl: Who am I? Charles Frederick Andress?

Cyril: Archer, do something!
Archer: Who am I, Alan Turing? He was also in X-Men, remember?