Mondays 10:00 PM on FX
Archer

I'm sorry, Lana. I said a woman. Not a stevedore who lost his hand in a stevedoring accident and then got a hand transplant from an actual bear!

I couldn't hear you over the sound of this gigantic freakin' tank!

Cyril

Calderon: I was bluffing the whole time, I'm totally out of bullets!
Archer: My bad guys, that's on me.

Archer: How dirty do you think my junk is?!
Malory: As dirty as if it was made of dirt and then got dropped in some different dirt and then Pigpen came along and kicked it around with his dirty shoes.

When we get home, first thing, we are bingewatching SchoolHouse Rock.

Archer: Wait - is that an extremely ill-phrased analogy about my penis?
Lana: Yes, Archer, it is, because everything, everywhere, everywhen is about the paragon of adequacy that is your dick.

Archer: Please don't slash the painting, it's...priceless!
Lana: But worthless if you damage it. But even though it's very delicate, it can withstand a surprising amount of shit.

Well, one's thing for sure. If I had to do it over, I'd be a dictator.

Cyril

(imitating Malory) Cyril, shut up and find the vehicle..meh-heh-heh...I'm a hateful shrew.

Cyril
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