Lana: What is it, soup?
Ray: Define soup.
Lana: Would it be safe to assume that no one wants to drink what's in your thermos?
Krieger: Sweet Jesus God, I would hope so!

• Permalink: Sweet Jesus God, I would hope so!
• Rating: Unrated

Lana: Remember when the office shut down and we spent an entire year as coke dealers?
Archer: What, so people just quit?

• Permalink: What, so people just quit?
• Rating: Unrated

Pam: Psst, Cyril rub one out.
Cyril: I do NOT want to masturbate
Pam: Not even after that (referencing Ray and Lana wrestling)

• Permalink: Cyril, rub one out
• Rating: Unrated

Cheryl: I have an idea!
Archer: OK wait. Does it have anything to do with our current situation?
Cheryl: Yes!
Archer: OK, what is it?
Cheryl: We are stuck in an elevator?
Cyril: The idea! Not our current situation!

• Permalink: Cheryl: I have an idea!
• Rating: Unrated

(Lana's going away on a mission)
Cyril: Isnt it sudden you going on this mission?
Lana: Noooo....Sudden is wanting your girlfriend to move in with you after only 4 months.
Cyril: (defensive) Just talking about it...and by the way I moved in with my last girlfriend after only 4 weeks.
Lana: (stopping next to Malory, Sterling, Carol and Pam) What are you a lesbian?
Pam: Why would you be into that? (group plus Cyril and Lana turn to stare) Just curious, which was an odd word choice right there and am I talking out loud..

• Permalink: Isnt it sudden you going on this mission? Noooo....Sudden is w...
• Rating: Unrated

Archer: Cyril, let's get that sweater vest off buddy
Cyril: I'm sorry?
Archer: I know! Nobody makes you wear them.

• Permalink: I know! Nobody makes you wear them.
• Rating: Unrated

Sterling: (Looking into Lana's eyes) No they're, oh my god they're green, like emeralds. How did I never see that? Lana, your eyes are amazing.
Lana: (Sighs, leans in to kiss) Archer.
Sterling: I mean, not compared to your tits but.
(Lana shoots Sterling in the foot)

• Permalink: No they're, oh my god they're green, like emeralds. How did I ne...
• Rating: Unrated

Lana: Have you at least babyproofed this place?
Archer: I don't think a baby can hurt anything.

• Permalink: I don't think a baby can hurt anything
• Rating: Unrated

(Cyril wonders why Lana hasn't called him yet)
Archer: (serious) Worse case scenario: Her covers been blown and Skorpio is now rapeing her sensless (everyone gasps horrified) before chopping her mangled corpse into Fish Chum.
Cyril: (hyperventilating) Oh my god!!
Carol: (appalled) How could you say that!?
Pam: What is wrong with you!!?
Dr. Creiger: (confused) He did say corpse right?
Archer: (defensive) What!? I said "worse case"

• Permalink: Her covers been blown and Skorpio is now rapeing her sensless b...
• Rating: Unrated

Slater: Hang on, go back. You speak Urdu?
Archer: Huh? Oh, no, no, just that one phrase.
Farouk: The only phrase you know in Urdu is "No shit, you goat-raping pig devil."
Archer: What?! I thought it meant "I'm sorry." Huh, probably why that night in Karachi went from pretty bad to much worse.
Slater: I'm gonna stop you there.
Archer: Probably someone should. There's a baby.

• Permalink: Probably someone should. There's a baby.
• Rating: Unrated

Cyril: And basically the only thing that keeps you from murdering each other is a lack of access to fire arms.
Pam: Works for Canada.
Cheryl: Nothing works for Canada.

• Permalink: Nothing works for Canada
• Rating: Unrated

Cheryl: Let me guess, you're all butthurt because you hired some Pakistani dude to shoot you so you went to Vegas and now you're drunk and broke outside a casino and you want me to wire a $1000 to buy you a plane ticket and a pre-flight whore.
Archer: Ok, I'm gonna list everything you said that's totally wrong. A) I'm not outside a casino so.......

• Permalink: and you want me to wire a $1000 to buy you a plane ticket and a pre-flight whore.
• Rating: Unrated