Archer: Judging from the decor, I'm guessing Spelvin has one of those kick ass Japanese soaking tubs.
Cyril: After all that you want to take a bath?
Archer: Do you not?

• Permalink: Judging from the decor, I'm guessing Spelvin has one of those ki...
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

She gets dinner in Dixieland and laid. And I get mosquitoes and no beer and not laid. How could this get any... [alligator murmurs] LET ME FINISH... worse. You ruined it. You ruined the moment.

• Permalink: She gets dinner in Dixieland and laid. And I get mosquitoes and...
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Archer: I've been treating my cancer with sugar pills!?
Krieger: You didn't think it was weird your chemo drugs were chewable?
Archer: Little kids get cancer.

• Permalink: I've been treating my cancer with sugar pills!? You didn't thi...
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Hmm. Cock flavored spit? Well you never know what's gonna be on the board! Let me see cock-flavored spit!

• Permalink: Hmm. C**k flavored spit? Well you never know what's gonna be on...
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Krieger: Coffee just like I like my women: black, bitter and preferably fair trade.

• Permalink: Black, bitter and preferably fair trade.
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Cheryl: You're not my supervisor!
Pam: Shut up! We're going to go to prison.
Cheryl: No, we're not. Say the right stuff and they just send you to a mental hospital for ten months.
Gilette: I just this second realize why you do macrame instead of knitting.
Cheryl: Yeah, no sharp weapons on the ward. They were really strict about that.

• Permalink: You're not my supervisor! Shut up! We're going to go to prison...
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Archer: You realize you're in huge trouble.
Woodhouse: Yes, sir.
Archer: And now I have to spend my first Friday off in like forever...
Woodhouse: Yes, sir.
Archer: ...devising some bizarre punishment for you.
Woodhouse: Yes, sir.
Archer: So don't be suprised if you find yourself eating a whole bunch of spiderwebs.

• Permalink: You realize you're in huge trouble. Yes, sir. And now I hav...
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Archer: Take the suits to my tailor and the shoes to my shoemaker.
Cyril: You have a shoemaker?
Archer: Do you not?

• Permalink: Take the suits to my tailor and the shoes to my shoemaker. You...
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Gandalf: I love your new hairdo, by the way.
Lana: Well if you like the collar, you're gonna love the cuffs.

• Permalink: I love your new hairdo, by the way. Well if you like the colla...
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Hostage: Do you have any have any idea who our boss is?
Archer: Nope, but 100 people surveyed. Number one answer's on the board. Name the douchebag who's in charge.
Hostage: Vincent van Gogh fuck yourself.
Archer: Hmm? Vincent van Gogh fuck myself? Survey says?

• Permalink: Do you have any have any idea who our boss is? Nope, but 100 p...
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Archer: Oh my God! You killed a hooker!
Cyril: Call girl! She was a-
Archer: No Cyril, when they're dead they're just hookers!

• Permalink: Oh my God! You killed a hooker! Call girl! She was a- No Cyr...
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Cyril: Maybe I could kill that pesky old worm?
Pam: How you gonna do that? Disappoint it to death?

• Permalink: Maybe I could kill that pesky old worm? How you gonna do that?...
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0