Krieger: Coffee just like I like my women: black, bitter and preferably fair trade.

Archer: Oh my God! You killed a hooker!
Cyril: Call girl! She was a-
Archer: No Cyril, when they're dead they're just hookers!

Something something danger zone. I know. I'm not even trying anymore.

Hmm. Cock flavored spit? Well you never know what's gonna be on the board! Let me see cock-flavored spit!

Cyril: Why are you so scared of crocodiles?
Archer: Gee, I don't know, Cyril. Maybe deep down I'm afraid of any apex predator that lived through the K-T extinction. Physically unchanged for a hundred million years, because it's the perfect killing machine. A half ton of cold-blooded fury, the bite force of 20,000 Newtons, and stomach acid so strong it can dissolve bones and hoofs.

Lana: What's your third biggest fear?
Archer: Brain aneurysm.
Lana: What's a brain aneurysm have to do with walking around in a swamp?
Archer: Nothing, it can happen anywhere at anytime, that's what makes it so terrifying.

Obviously it's not heaven because Janis Joplin isn't giving me a rim job.

Ouch, my earballs.


Malory: Lana, you go straight to Moscow.
Lana: Undercover?
Malory: Of course undercover.
Lana: As what? Russia's only black woman?

I am literally wet with jealousy.


Archer: Barry, wait, slow down!
Barry: Why?
Archer: So I can go past you!

First of all, it's Dr. I'll Solve Your Ant Problem.


Archer Quotes

Cheryl: What the stupid shit are you doing??
Cyril: You said you wanted watermelon.
Cheryl: Watermelon's red?
Cyril: Yes. How do you not know that?
Cheryl: Who am I? Charles Frederick Andress?

Cyril: Archer, do something!
Archer: Who am I, Alan Turing? He was also in X-Men, remember?