Archer
Wednesdays 10:00 PM on FXFavorite Archer Quotes
I wouldn't even pay $2000 to get myself laid.
Ray
Is this some sort of viral marketing? Or are you asking me specifically if I have a penis?
Ramon
Malory: Jesus, God, Sterling... School girls?!
Archer: Those are just costumes.
Malory: And I suppose that makes it better?
Archer: Doesn't it?
Keep it up, Stumplestiltskin!
Pam
Katya: They're jingling, baby.
Archer: Huh! I didn't know you were a fan of early crossover mainstream hip-hop!
Malory: (to Sterling) Keep that tramp date of yours out of my Medicine-Cabnit! One more dead body in here and that Bitch Trudy Beekman will have me right back in front of the Co-op Board!
Sterling: (shakes head) You just can't get along with your neighbours anywhere can you?
Malory: Who can get along with a woman who wallpapers her guest bathroom with Vintage New Yorker covers?!
Pam: How do you not murder her every day?
Krieger: I do!
Lana: Just curious, what happened between your bedroom and right now?
Archer: Well, you were hysterical, Lana, so I thought the best thing to do would be inject you with a tranquilizer, drive you to a private air field, put you on a CIA plane, fly you overnight to Wales, and then...that brings us to now.
Seriously, what is this, the Shire?
Lana
Archer: This place is right out of a fairytale.
Lana: Yeah, a fairytale in which the heroine is drugged and kidnapped.
Archer: You realize that's like every fairytale.
Don't yell at me, I'm not the one advocating rape and child cannibalism.
Krieger: Alrighty, can someone give me a hand?
Cheryl: But Doctor, I thought the patient was getting the hand.
Krieger: Speaking of hands, Nurse, I'm -
Cheryl: Overplaying yours?
Krieger: Well I was gonna say "putty in yours" m'dear but I'll have to hand it to ya!
Cheryl: Hmm - keep your hands to yourself, Doctor.
Cyril: Can we have a show of hands? Who thinks this is getting out of hand?
Ray: Goddammit!! Can you please shut up - and sew on my robot hand!
